It is snow

It snowed last night and as I walked to work this morning the whole world sparkled in the street lamp's. It was perfectly still the world hadn't started moving, the only sound I heard was my booted foot crunching the snow cold on the ground. I began to think about winter, I hear many people complain about it every day. This is met with a reminder of all the bugs and the bacteria and allergens that are being killed thanks to the cold. I have to admit I do not enjoy every season. I am not terribly fond of summer.
But this morning while I was walking I decided to make a mental note, always find the beauty in each day, in each season, in all weathers.






-- Posted From My iPhone so please excuse the typos!

It is a new year

Here it comes. Are you ready? Here come the resolutions to be a better person to make next year better than last. And well was this year better than the one before? For me I'll say yes I had a better year than before, not that the one before was bad. This year 2009 I grew a lot. I had several hills to climb and I seem to have made it over each one without breaking anything beyond repair. And I have a better idea of who I am.
I hope you have made an effort to better yourself and the world this past year and I hope this next year is the best to date.
B


-- Posted From My iPhone so please excuse the typos!

What a great Christmas. It was exactly what a holiday should be. My kid sister and I headed over to parents early on Christmas eve due to the snow storm blowing in. We cooked French food and drank wine and watched Bing Crosby. Christmas morning we were up and opening presents and then ate some serriously good but serriously bad for you food. Than played games lots lots of games. A friend came over that evening to share in a serriously delicious roast and we played games and drank martinis and listened to jazz. At some point i thought this is what it is supposed to be like. Nobody was screaming or arguing noboy cared we all just were low-key. No worries. Flexible. And what happened because of that was magic. No one was thinking about themselves no one had a rush schedule to keep. We just were. And it was wonderful. And the food was great. :-)
Merry Christmas!!


-- Posted From My iPhone so please excuse the typos!

it is a meeting

Yesterday at the Hard Bean several of my customers who have gone off to college ran into each other while home for Christmas. It was fun to hear them catch up and share stories from the "old days". A customer of mine from great island of England was here hopping from blues club to blues club writing reviews of the great blues artists that come through KC. The returning college-ites all happened to be jazz musicians. A conversation was struck between them, from across our country and across the pond. Have you heard this guy play guitar, what abut this guy on sax, oh you have got to hear this band, I remember when I got to meet so and so and on and on the conversation went for about a hour. It reminded me of a book, or well a series of books, I have read. Amelia Peabody and her intrepid husband embark on several Egyptian expeditions, and seeing as they are the worlds leading Egyptian archeologists so they should. Each adventure always begins at Shepherds Hotel in their cafe where they meet the most interesting people. I take great pride in having a spot where connections can be made, and people can be met, and conversations with a complete stranger can be intelligent and stimulating and on the whole good.

It is Christmas

I love Christmas! It is so wonderful! I wish we had snow out here in KC. The forecast as of yesterday said snow christmas eve so I will keep hoping. Customers have asked me often lately why I love Christmas so much. And what is there to say? I love St Nick and sleigh rides and sleigh bells and snow and blazing hearths and little birds with all their feathers puffed out and all the surprises and all the food and all the children such a great anticipation. And the joy and the merriment. And the wine, and the parties and the overall charity that even Scrooge cannot ignore. And eggnog and eggnog latte. And the smiles and the laughter and the love that is suddenly spread around our little community. And the Christmas trees and the twinkle lights on all the houses, I especially love those. And I love picking out the perfect gift, when their face says "oh my word you thought of that for me, how did you know!"
Well anyways all that is to say, I love Christmas I hope you do too and I hope you take the time to find the joy, make the memories and spread love this holiday season.
B

It it a thought

I am asked surprisingly often why I am single. Almost like it is a crime that I am. Some people have even come to the conclusion I must be a lesibian. This was a shock to me the first time I was asked :-). I have several married friends and several single friends. I have single friends who are happy to wait and I have single friends that are obsessed with finding their mate (male and female I should add). I was watching "that 70's show" the other day (great quality TV I know) the episode where Hyde comes back married to stripper Samantha and like magic they are perfect for eachother their relationship just works. I have single friends who chase after any available man in hopes they will click and spend the rest of their lives together. I knew a guy who "interviewed" potential wives. I have a friend who wants to "wake-up" the guy that she currently likes so that they can enter into matrimonial bliss. I know of girls who are so anxious to wed yet feel they should hear a sign from God that they make up words of God in their head to justify whatever thoughts or actions they are presently entertaining. I've also heard of married couples who only got married because God told them to not nesiscarily because they loved each other at the time. Then of course you have arranged marriges and mail order brides. Does it seem to anyone else that we are maybe too obcessed with this idea of marriage? Maybe that is why we have such a high divorce rate. Maybe we are so caught up in the whole deal that we jump down the ailse with the wrong person. Well I guess it's not the only reason why we can't, as Americans, seem to hold marriages together. But sometimes I think if we were just pateint and waited for the right time the right person who shares the same passions and desires and goals and morals as you then maybe we wouldn't be so disfunctional 20 years later. Still we are often told seek and ye shall find.


-- Posted From My iPhone so please excuse the typos!

it is vacation

I had such a wonderful time in CO! Kelly and I did all kinds of horsey adventures, and a hiking adventure and a wine tasting. Enjoy the photos of the Emerald Lake Hike. It was BEAUTIFUL! I recommend the hike to anyone going out there. It is at the Bear Lake Trail Head. Would love to go back in the summer to see the lake in a different light. The hike is about 3 miles took us 3+ hours to make it up and back again. Couple of icy spots which added to the fun. It was slick coming down and I'm not terribly graceful so I kindof bumbled back down the mountain. Lots of giggling ensued :-)

Emerald Lake
This little guy was SO cute!
Emerald Lake
Dream Lake





Grey Jay followed us up the trail
OOPS almost fell!!!
Trail buddies

Dolly

QH mare dumped at stable I board at. 6/7 years old 15.2+hh sweet temperment gas not been ridden since April will be going to kingsville auction next week if no local buyer is found. Would make a good trail horse or hunter/jumper lesson prospect moves pretty good. Nice open shoulder for a short girl. Really sweet temperment. Loves hugs :-)
Contact info www.paintedjstables.com


















-- Posted From My iPhone so please excuse the typos!

It is peace

When my sister first moved in with me she told me her cat likes my house because it is so peaceful. Andyou know what? She is right. It is. Today I was able to finnagle a day off to kick this flu bug in the booty (thank you girls for filling in for me all day). I very rarely, if ever, get to relax at home. Especially during the day. As I lay on my sofa with stuffy nose and clogged head I realized that my whole neighborhood seemed wreathed in peace. A quiet calm that blankets the streets I take during the day. Very few cars pass and those that do are quiet - no race car wannabees ruling the road. No loud music blaring. No over amped bass. No families arguing in the lawn. No punks on the street corners. A lawnmower in the distance adds to the cicadas song. Chirping birds, squeaking squirrels. And an overwhelming feeling of stillness. A feeling that time is not moving in it's normal rat race pace, that eveyone is taking a deep breath of relaxation. I love my little house on its big corner lot in its entirely peaceful neighborhood.




-- Posted From My iPhone so please excuse the typos!

It is sunshine

On your darkest day in your gloomiest hour a sparkle of sunshine is bound to show when you least expect it. Remeber to look.

It is my attitude

I feel that I am a total queen b* I feel that I am mean and rude and short tempered and I never thought that way about myself. I thought I was nice I thought people liked me that I was easy enough to get along with but now I must not be. My family keeps telling me that I am wrong that I am not an evil dictator that I am a nice person. But I keep doubting them thinking that abused people never notice they are abused until it becomes too much for them to handle so maybe they are so used to my bad attitude that they just don't see it.


-- Posted From My iPhone so please excuse the typos!

it is or is it

On Facebook today one of my sidebar ads was for Free Love Spells. The ad read as follows, "Many hearts are broken, and many hearts suffer every day. Yours does not have to be one of them. Click here for Free Love Spells." Would you want to be with a person that was only with you because he/she has been enchanted to do so? Would you be so needy and so desperate that you were so afraid to be alone you would cast a love spell on someone?

It is happiness

On this glorious morning I rode my scooter to the stable to see my horses. The perfect weather prompted a song in my head and as I hummed along I started bobbing head to the tune only I could hear. As the passersby gave me odd looks, half smirking half smiling, I began to giggle, and then the giggle turned into a laugh and then before I knew it I was cracking myself up at my own silliness and supreme happiness bubbled into my soul.
Make sure you laugh today.

two little dogs in need of homes!

I found these two running around Lee's Summit, MO area and had to help them out. If you know someone who is looking for a pet please pass this on and send a Direct Message to me via twitter.com/rwills83

"Rosie" Fun and funny little Yorkie (maybe a Silky Terrier) female (have not checked for spay scar yet). Loves to play fetch and loves attention.

"Milo" Young Long Haired Dachshund (not fixed) pretty quiet, very lovable huge sweetheart.

it is considerate communication

Last night while I was traipsing through an empty pasture fearing that my horse had escaped through the open gate, I was hyperventilating and asking for God's mercy on the souls who allowed this to happen because I was not going to show them any. When I got back into the barn the barn hand told me they had moved the horses into a different pasture due to an event to be hosted there in the morning. We had seen the barn hand on our way to the pasture, he asked how our night was going and we said it was good just coming out to feed the horse. Now why did he not make sure we knew they had been moved before we went out? This is just a small incident that should remind us all that it is best to use our words and express them to others.

it is a matter of service and quality

This week has been full of customer service experiences. Sunday started it off with a bang when one customer called me “some sort of stupid” and ten minutes later, I was yelled at for not knowing whether the shoes that were left at home would fit the child in her arms; guess they thought I had special powers. Being on the receiving end of open hostility was terrible, I found it hard to let those customers’ anger leave with them and not carry it on with me to my next charge. For those of you who know me know I have exceptional customer service skills and so when both of these incidents happened I remained stout, smiling, bidding them adieu with sincere blessings. Yet I cannot help but wonder what they thought I owed them.

Yesterday I had a run in with good old corporate Wal-Mart and their lack of customer service skills. A very simple matter turned into a very complicated issue resulting in a total of two trips, two hours and five register transactions for one order. Not once did anyone say I am sorry for your inconvenience, let me see how we can work around this issue, or any sort of expression of a desire to aid me, the paying consumer. I think it is appalling how Americans don’t care about one another, corporations look at the bottom line versus the customer. People are grouped into “customer classifications” that are then “targeted” so that they spend as much money as possible to feed the pockets of the rich. We do not care about quality; we go for cheap, hence putting out of business the small hand crafted furniture guy. And why would we buy his merchandise when we can buy spray painted particle board for half the cost? And if we do not require quality in our product why would we assume to have quality in our care?

it is all in the way you look at it

Summer is almost over and I for one am exceptionally excited! I know all the kids are dreading school, fearing new teachers new classmates and piles of homework. Some people are dreading the winter roads, icy blackouts and rising heating bills. I am looking forward to selling more coffee, snowy mornings by the "fireplace", making hundreds of hot chocolates and actually having customers in my shop.

it is a new experience

A new customer came into my shop yesterday. She left her wallet. Upon opening the wallet, I found a green card, her international driver’s license, her birth certificate, and her social security card. There was no contact info with a “states” address all the info was for Puerto Rico. So I called the US Embassy to ask who I should talk to about getting these things back in her procession, they passed me on to homeland security, when I talked to the agent there she explained that this occurrence is so rare that they do not have a procedure set in place and so passed me onto immigration. After weaving my way through the third voice prompt system to talk to a human, she was genuinely surprised that I had called. She said they rarely get this kind of documentation turned in and if I were to send it to my local immigration office there would be no guarantee that the documents would make it back to the owner. That if they do get anything turned in it normally is just the green card and they can track her address that way but that a whole wallet of legal documentation was sure to get lost among the mess.

a poem

Each sound bursting
Into my chest like a hammer
Beating the drums of history

Every boom
Tells the story
Of a life lost

Bravery and strength
Courage of men making a stand
Against a king, against tyranny

Independence
Worth the risk
Worth the chance

One star, pointing north
Shows the path
To freedom

One man, makes a stand
Conceived in Liberty
Men considered equal

One Nation
Making a stand
A stand for hope
A stand for justice


Will we forget
Who we are
Whence we’ve come

it is Independence

In our present American society, we worked today the Fourth of July.
All the stores were open people went to work. Customers were served money was made. My little shop was closed. I worked at my second job.
We came several hundred dollars below estimation but we were there to serve the 20 some odd people who wondered in to buy shoes. I did not receive Holiday pay, apparently there is a loop hole so that PT employees are exempt from time and a half. Tonight I am rained on by ash as I sit outside watching a fireworks display. We are at a very small town old timey event. A community orchestra is playing Americana music in the parking lot of the high school and the fireworks are being set off about 500 feet in front of us in the soccer fields.

The sound is LOUD so loud each crack shakes my ribcage. I am sitting next to my father who served in a war across the sea. He told me once that fireworks often bothered him because the sound is so much like the actual battle it takes him back there in his mind. As I am sitting here now rain soaking the ground I am thinking about all the men women and innocent lives taken by war. I am wondering why we do not reserve this day. Why were the shops open? Why were the people shopping? Can we not take one day out of our commerce driven lives to sit and tell stories of past events, laugh with our families, play games and relax? And it is not just Independence Day, but what about Labor Day? Why or why are businesses open on Labor Day? How about Memorial Day? Presidents Day? Thanksgiving and Christmas? Why do we need to make money every single day of the year? Are we that much richer?

it is a possible future?

I never feel more alone than when I'm sick or stressed and then all of the sudden I feel I am the loneliest person in all the world. It is amazing how I can be surrounded by people who see me everyday and, either I am a way better actress than I give myself credit for or, people are hugely unobservant or, they just don't care. If you have seen the movie Wall-E you know the portrayal it shows of the future human race. Unnoticing, uncaring, lost in there own worlds not knowing what is happening outside of there little techno screens. When I step back and look at society as a whole, I am surprised at how close we are to this and how that fantasy might one day become a reality. Will we notice in time to stop it or are we already too far on the way? Are we fated to live our remaining days as a race living in a loveless world?

it is a gift

Several times a week here at the shop I come across a surprisingly common problem, who should buy. It amazes me when two friends are out together and one offers to buy the other one puts up quite the protest. Their are many people who have mental issues in receiving anything no matter how small even from a friend. I think many people see gratitude as prideful. When you see someone who readily accepts compliments about their dress, appearance, manner etc sometimes we assume they are conceited for never saying, no I'm not really. Its like there is a stigma on accepting good things. If you take the coffee your friend bought does that mean you are somehow better than them? Or if you don't take it are you better then them? Or how about this one, should you not accept the coffee because you are not worthy of the courtesy? When my sister and I performed at weddings afterward many people would come up and tell us how wonderfully we sounded and how talented we were etc etc. (Please do not assume I am telling you this to brag) At first, at least for me, it was terribly awkward. I did not see myself as talented or wonderful in any light. Eventually I just believed that people could hear better than me and that must be why they liked my voice, they could hear something I could not. Now that I have come to accept the fact that I possibly do have some talent in the vocal department, I enjoy the compliments. I can be truly gracious, I have accepted God's gift and in return have passed it on to people who then in turn can give me a gift of thanks. We all have to give in order to receive and we all have to receive in order to give. So when your friend offers to buy you a coffee think of this, God has given them the gift of caring, sharing or hospitality, by not accepting you are actually hurting the other person by not allowing their gift to be given. The next time someone gives you a compliment about something you have accomplished, don't down play your accomplishment, otherwise you will not allow the gift of reassurance that God has given them, to pass on to you. None of this will make you proud, conceited, arrogant or pig headed. Because what you must do with the gift that has just been given to you is to pass it on.

-Bex

it is a horse

Today I had my first baby baby show on Mr. Mark and after quite the theatrics I began thinking about my "riding career" and so I decided to compile some thoughts on things that being around horses for most of my life has taught me.

1) No victory is small. If you had the worst ride of your life but you learned one thing, you have accomplished greatness.
2) Not falling off is a good thing.
3) There are healthy nerves and bad nerves, feed the good ones, relax the bad. Good nerves make you better, sharper more acutely aware. Bad nerves make you do stupid things and generally lead to falling off.
4) Something will inevitably go wrong.
5) When you think you are working hard work harder.
6) If you do fall off you must must must get right back on, if you don't you never will again.
7) Something you love can bring you ultimate frustration and exquisite joy.
8) Communication is the key to all successes.
9) If something is damaged it is worth the time to fix it
10) Even after a horse is unable to be "used" they can bring you great joy
11) Comedy can come in all sizes
12) No one is too old to learn
13) It is always best to embark on an adventure with a friend
14) Push past your fear, its good for you.
15) Horses smell better than just about anything on earth :-)

Well that is what I can think of now. Do with it what you will.
-Bex

It is a matter of life

I just recently heard about a horse who could use some help, and maybe the horse is beyond help maybe the best thing would be to put it down so it can sleep in eternal peace but the particular problem he is suffering from is normally treatable and controllable but the current owner does not want to spend the time and money to help this poor beast, worst of all she is not putting him down right away she figures she'll wait a little while until he's in more pain and then end his life. I am just writing this to express my frustration. I cannot and should not at this point in my life take charge of this horse. I wish I could, so terribly badly, but even if there is a way that I could afford the monthly upkeep on this animal the veterinary bills would be exceptionally high at first to get him back on his feet. This matter is close to my heart because I know this horse, he was my horse's buddy at an old stable we were at, I have ridden this horse and I know he gave his best every day he was asked to and now to be tossed out not cared for and to be in pain is inhuman. It disgusts me that so many horse people view horses as disposable, that when they stop earning money or stop being of great use they discard them, often to slaughter houses. Maybe I was just raised with a heightened sense of responsibility but I was taught when you have something in your charge you take care of it to the bitter end, whether you loose interest in your new fish or you hamster grows up to be a mean biting machine you never disregard life. All life is precious seeing as it was created by God and that alone give it the right to be respected and cared for if it is not able to do so itself. It maddens me to think how people can be so flippant about life. Whether it is the life of an unborn child or the life of a hardened criminal. The other day I was reading letters to the editor in a local rag and they were discussing the States expenses regarding life in prison versus the death penalty and I was surprised and horrified to see the number of people who suggested making executions a public event someone even suggested the state sell tickets. Being Catholic we are asked by our church heads to be Pro-Life not just in the sense of abortion but that all killing is wrong before God which would then include executions. When I hear about a crime, especially one towards a child or that involves torture I find my belief in the fact that all life is sacred tested. How are we supposed to allow someone who made a mother choose between her children of which to save and which to let die, or someone who has killed 50 or more random people along route 66 and buried them in shallow graves wherever convenient. And how are we supposed to allow live a father who raped his daughter from the time she was a baby. How are we supposed to forgive them? Allow them to live and give them a chance at redemption? And how are we supposed to show them love?

Dillon

Another baby, but this time its a boy!! Duet Farm's Dillon born on 4/3/09. Check out daddy @ www.clearheartconnemaras.com

EverClear

Evie was born on Friday April 4th a beautiful healthy long-legged baby girl! Check out dad @ www.clearheartconnemaras.com

it is communication

Last night I watch Lars and the Real Girl. For those of you who have not watched this film I highly recommend it and encourage you to run and pick it up to watch with dinner tonight. Much of this movie dealt with communication or lack there of in our daily lives and how we can be affected by it. It made me think of how often we have communication errors with loved one and we don't realize that the error has been made and it could be years later when we realize how that small misstep altered our future. Something like 90% or more off all communication is body language, inflection, tone and expression. Here lately though there is less and less verbal communication with e-mail and texting and fax and typed letter. So it begs the question are we communicating properly if the reader is only able to grasp 10% of what we are trying to say? The Oxford English Dictionary says that there are approximately 250,000 words in the English language and about 20% of those words are not in use. That mean while we are using so much of the written word in current communication we are not using approximately 50,000 available words to get our point across. On late night TV last night they were making a spoof about Merriam-Webster Dictionary changing proper use of words, ie; the word literally is now to be expressly used in any context except when something is literal. Example my head literally exploded with information. Funny but true unfortunately. There are so many words that we use that mean entirely different things than the context that we are using them. Take awful for example. Awful technically means full of awe, awe is something inspiring, large, magnificent yet we use it as something that is horrid, wretched, disgusting (ie; That egg smells awful). The word extraordinary if taken apart means exceptionally plain yet we use it as something exceptionally out of the ordinary. I guess what I am attempting to convey is this, watch what you say, type, express or write. Understanding communication amongst ourselves is every important and we should not take it forgranted, we should not be lazy in our speech and we should use as much of the human language as we possibly can and as properly as possible.

it is the way we forget

I drove past a stone pillar today surrounded by highway. It was old, probably at one point marking a farm entrance, it stood solitary and strong watching the world move and change around it. The farm was gone, the land eaten by concrete. The farm house was no where to been seen, probably fallen or torn down after neglect. The cattle, the horses, the sheep, buggies and people all gone yet this stone monument standing the test of time, almost forgotten by the rest of the world. It caused me to think about all that has gone on before me. How much of the world has lived, how much has been forgotten, lost for the rest of civilization. I am a person who loves history, I love knowing what has happened in the past, it fascinates me to watch people run the same cycles over and over again. It amazes me how easy it is for so many people to disregard the past and think that it will not effect their future. I find it shockingly horrid that so many of my peers don't know the history of the subject of their major at school, their parents history, let alone their forefathers history and especially not their country. The mortifying lack of responsibility by the elders in this country to teach the young generation about their lives, their fathers' lives and their ancestors lives is wretched. In my family for example I know that my mother's parents came on a boat from Italy but I know nothing of their lives in Italy or their families in Italy. This is not my mother's fault, nor is it her mother's fault but however my mother's mother's fault for refusing to tell stories of the old country to her children. I am grateful to my both of my parents for having an interest themselves in our history and for telling me stories of their childhood. I hope that everyone will not try to forget their past, that they will hold onto it, even the hard parts. That way at least they can learn from their own lives and maybe their children will learn from it as well.

it is polite propriety

You could classify me as a "good girl" a "nice girl" or any other sweet adjective. Working in customer service I am nice, sweet or good to many people in a day. In my past friendships I have been on the giver, or better put the used one in the relationships. As I was watching Brothers and Sisters Sunday night the end one of the Characters puts aside what she wants to be doing in order to be polite to another and I couldn't help but seeing my present and past in this act. How many times a day to I talk to someone a little longer than I wanted to let someone use my cell phone when I don't necessarily want them too. Much of this is my job, and I understand that and its fine. But I do still struggle with getting a person to stop talking and when I finally do get them to stop I feel like a total heel. Once I was actually just short with a salesperson who came in to sell me credit card processing. Once he left my mother reprimanded me for being rude, it made me feel worse than I had already. The point I am trying to make is that well I just don't know how to be in control, in charge, direct, assertive without feeling or apparently coming across a total B*. And unfortunately many times the the act of the smiling face always caring even though someone has had the same problems for the 3 years of them coming in here and dumping on me, breaks down while I'm among my family and friends and I take the pent up angst on them in shortness, arguments etc. I feel horrid when this eruption occurs because it's not their fault I've been burying my emotions all day. I hope someday I'll be able to put into practice that in my future the most important person is me and I have to do what is best for me, no matter how selfish I feel, sometimes I have to look out for number one. And hopefully when I have mastered this my family and friends will suffer less, the last people I want to hurt.

it is friendship

Today I had to work a healthy 7 and a half hours on my day off. Oh joy. As I was running around in my shortened free time attempting to get all the necessities of the day done a lot of emotions ran through my head. I am not a person who accepts change very well, which is why I think I am so concerned about the future, I like to have things planned out and as few unknowns as possible. But that is beside the point. The point is that today I had to deal with the fact that all my plans had been canceled and I had to do something I didn’t have any desire to be doing at the moment. In my last few seconds of freedom I got a text from one of my nearest and dearest friends and all it said was “miss you :- )”. And that brought a smile to my face. As we planned a get together when she will be in town next and talked about my little sisters grad school auditions and how her semester was going, all of the sudden I felt like I had a huge pillow of comfort cushioning my loneliness that I felt earlier in the day. I since I know all my friends check on here to see what is going through my brain I wanted to give them a shout out and tell them how much I love them and how truly lucky I am to have each one of them in my life.

it is my answer to my question

A couple of weeks ago I was making a coffee run on a beautiful spring day (in January) to a small retreat center behind this pond (that they call a lake). This retreat center is owned by a local church organization that has kindof taken over our town. They are not bad people and without them economically our town would have died a long time ago. Though I do often find myself disagreeing with their doctrine and theology. Thousands of people flock to this organization from all around the world. Which is cool because I get to meet people from all around the world. I have always wondered though what this "church" has that others don't. Its not really their theology, most non-denominational evangelical churches have many the same views. Its not their "colleges" unaccredited and taught by non PhD wielding smart-pantses. Its not their "prayer rooms" because really anyone can pray anywhere in the universe at any point in time. So what is it? Throughout recent history the Judea-Christian religion has always had some sort or "movement" running through it. And they always come in like the tide and go out the same way. But again my question has been why? Why the Jesus movement in the 60's and 70's, revival tents in the 30's and 40's (and then some)? As I was driving to the little house on the pond it hit me. A sense of belonging. That is why these people flock to this establishment. They are welcome as long as they fit into their click. There were neighbors talking having heated religious debate, joggers praying, a lady walking and reading her Bible. And that was it, these people were longing for a sense of belonging, that someone else is like them and that they know where that person is coming from, that they share their pain. We all as humans are constantly trying to fit in with people, since we were very little. As soon as are parents shoved us out into the great big world of play dates, day care, preschool etc we have tried to find friends, fit in with the crowd. In high school it is painfully evident, the clicks, the popular kids vs the outcasts, drama vs music. Hopefully as we get older we establish our own list of beliefs values morals etc. But there is still that need to not be alone. Say I believe that all paper should be pale yellow while the rest of the world seems to think white is the answer to all professional uses of paper. OK so I am at a paper convention and everyone is talking about how great paper is and how beautiful and crisp white a new package of xerox is, I'm not going to step out and say hey, wouldn't it be great if all paper was a tad yellow. No, bad example. I guess what I am trying to say is I get it, I finally get it. I understand why these people follow blindly after their leader, why they flock to one location to sit and wait for further guidance. Its because they feel like in this little corner of the world they belong, they have a purpose in something bigger than themselves, they feel like they have a community around them that will support them throughout the rest of their lives here on earth. And really who can blame them because don't we all do that in our own lives, even if in very small ways?

it is a sad portrayal

I went last night to go see He's Just Not that into you with my girlfriends and it was a terrible film I don't recommend anyone go and see it. Every single man in this film was an unmitigated ass. They tied much of their relationships around sex whether or not he or she was sleeping with you and at what point in the dating relationship should you have sex with a person and if that was not happening then you should probably get out of said relationship because that mean he/she doesn't like you. And why were these girls having groping make out sessions on the first meeting? Not even date but random meetings in bars. Don't they know that that is how most women are raped murdered beaten and dumped in central park? As a whole it made you want to swear off men feeling that all of them would eventually cheat on you, lie to you, turn into couch potatoes and not care about you and that all men were basically horny beasts. If I were a man I would be furious to be portrayed in such a light. As a single female I felt very happy to be single and not have to deal with their view of the dating scene. The single girls in this movie had such a lack of confidence in themselves they were pathetic. Every single one of them tied their identities into whether or not they had a man. Is that really what single-dom is about? I thought we where empowered women who don't need a man. Where we can fight for equal rights in the work place, that we did not need a man to tell us we are great, we are on our own. That our relationships were relationships of equals. Well apparently i was horridly mistaken.

it is a two person dance

A not so frequent flier came in the other day and when I asked how she was she stated that she had left her husband. When I asked if she thinks that the issues were something that could be worked through she said she had given him the ultimatum to get help or not so she was waiting to see. And then she states, and you know my boyfriend has been giving me grief too... OK so does anyone else see the problem here? I knew a couple several years ago who were getting a divorce because they were too good friends. They never fought the wife said. And he made enough money so all she had to do was run around and do her pet projects. In my mind an excellent marriage, but the wife was bored so she moved out, he was crushed. Another customer has said to me that her husband is not as attentive as she would want him to be. And another has stated that her husband of 11 years has been dictating her life. The thing is I think that if these people would really just stop and think about both sides of the relationship they would see that the other party is not entirely to blame. Somewhere in the Bible it says pull the log out of your own eye before you try to pull the speck from your brothers. I am not sure people pay enough attention to this piece of knowledge. The first customer I mentioned said that she has been waiting 9 years for him to change but they have only been married 7 so that would imply that he had these problems before they wed. The wife who feels her husband doesn't show enough affection? He was that way when they got married and in fact she is well aware of that. The best friends? I will bet you $100 that they got married because they were best friends and that friendship had blossomed into something deeper. The wife who feels her husband is controlling I know for a fact married him for that reason. The point I am trying to make is maybe we are too quick to judge the faults of others than to lay part of that blame on ourselves. A psychology teacher of mine once said, 'Men marry women and want them to stay the same, women marry men planning on changing them.'

it is a girl thing

I have a friend who is very much so tied up in her femininity. The thing is though I think she is really tied up on her sense of fashion or as she believes the lack there of. This friend feels that one of our mutual acquaintances is not feminine because she doesn't do up her hair, wear a bunch of make-up etc etc. In defense of this person she does do all those things just not often. I have a very close friend of mine who does her hair every morning, wears all the right clothes etc etc. But does that make her more feminine than the one who does it only on occasion? Merriam-Webster states, that feminine is a characteristic of or appropriate or unique to women (ie; feminine beauty or a feminine perspective). Femininity is the quality or nature of the female sex. While effeminate is having feminine qualities untypical of a man : not manly in appearance or manner. So with all that it sounds to me that my friend is really trying to show outward effeminacy, though someone has told her that is what it is to be feminine. This friend of mine considers me to be feminine, when I never wear makeup can often be found slumming in sweats and am pretty comfortable around dirt. So what is it that makes me feminine? Is it my emotional state of being? My love of flip flops and high heels? One of my dearest friends is a blonde vixen. She doesn't consider herself feminine at all, yet she has men falling over themselves while around her. Are there as many definitions of feminine as there are women in the world? Are fashion models more feminine than Midwest house wives? Is outward appearance the only thing that makes you feminine or not? Is it internal? Genetic? Emotional? Hormonal? Do you realize the wars that are being fought right now are because of the different views of femininity? Is it that important?

it is only human

I have this employee, Jessica, and she is an incredible woman. She is so strong, the things in life she has had to deal with seem so hard, emotionally and physically. And yet she still smiles, gives a hug, is there to support others. She is truly amazing. I don't know if people understand sometime how easy their life is. There is nothing more amusing to me when people attempt to empathize with a story of their own and then once the story is told all you can do is stare at them for thinking that what this other person is going through is anything like what they experienced. I don't lead the easiest life, nor do I lead the hardest. I think the point I am trying to make is that it is astounding what we little humans can endure. And at the same time how we can blow the small things way out of proportion. My sister met this professor who compared everything to HIV kids in Africa. Funny as it was to hear him constantly say this he makes a valid point. Maybe sometimes in life we just have to see someone worse off then us to realize how good we have it. Maybe we shouldn't sit and say poor me but instead reach out to assist someone else. Maybe we should when we are going through a hard time in our own lives focus on the smallest good that happened. Maybe we should try to look beyond our world and into another's for a change.