Tonight I sang at my little shop. I haven't done a show in FOREVER and was a little bit nervous as to how my voice would hold out. But all in all it was a great show. Had a blast. Skyped a friend in CAN and Skyped a sis in CO. It was fun to have some of my close friends who are far away near by for an evening :-).
I am still at my little shop - I took some quiet time by myself here taking those breathes that were alluded to in the previous post. I was watching an Episode of Bones, my current therapy of choice. Anyways the show ended and I was wrapping up my stuff to head home. And I looked around at the little shop all tucked in for the night, most of the lights off, all the furniture neatly back where it belongs. And I thought about how it looked a mere 45 minutes ago. Crammed with people, laughing, talking, eating. And a little wave of contentedness washed over me. Like right after you have eaten the perfect, savory, rich and not too much. That complete satisfaction.
Well it is time for this little jazz singer to go home - it was an awesome night. Thanks to all of you who came out :-).
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Saturday, January 22, 2011
it is sara bareillis
Lately I've been driving a lot. Mainly because I moved my two boys down to a friends farm 1 hour south of home and have been driving down to see them weekly. These two hours a week by myself and left alone in my own head have proven to be very therapeutic. Anyways as I was driving there yesterday I was cranking out my Sara Bareillis Kaleidescope Heart album. I was thinking about the lyrics to one of my favorite songs on the CD "Gonna Get Over You". Much of that song sums up a lot of the emotion I felt after Adam and I stopped being what we were not. Her feelings of calling it quits long before she actually did, hanging on to the word maybe and so on. The Song before this on the album "Uncharted" she talks about the depth of the pain she felt from this the worst and hardest heartbreak of all. Most of the album is about a wretched breakup and every color of the rainbow emotion that is felt during the ripping and repairing process. The saddest song on the album is without question "Breathe Again". I am very happy to say I do not cry anymore when I hear that song but that has only been in the month - as I have stated many a time before I am quite the emotional sap. ANYWAYS as I was listening to these songs and recognizing that she felt many of the same emotions that I felt I started thinking about the other girls who listen to this album and feel the same way. That is when I had an epiphany - we are all the same. Sure I know that is a blanket statement full of untruths because of course we are not ALL the same but we are all similar. Especially when it comes to our emotions. This of course has been proven by such people as Paul Ekman and the like. Anyways thats it. When you feel like you are the only one who has felt this way before know that you are not alone.
Monday, January 17, 2011
it is family
I realized tonight as I was sitting watching a "Bones" episode throughout this CRAZY year I have learned much. Very much. But one thing I have learned, a lesson I hope I will never forget is this. My family is incredible. With all our arguments and crazy events they will stick through it with me, have my back and stand shoulder to shoulder. It doesn't mean they won't call me out, keep me humble and knock me off my high horse when needed.
So I would just like to say... THANK YOU to my family. I am lucky, very lucky to have each and every one of you as part of it.
So I would just like to say... THANK YOU to my family. I am lucky, very lucky to have each and every one of you as part of it.
it is men....and women
I wrote a long long long blog over the course of three days to attempt to put all my thoughts on this subject down. I came up with Biblical references, musical quips, pop culture trivia and about 2 pages of my general ramblings. At the end of this blog I looked back and realized I sounded like I was making myself an authority on a subject I know nothing about. So here's what I will sum it all up to. We, as a human race, need to learn how to take care of each other's hearts.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
it is stitch
You all know I have horses and they are each unique and different. Those of you who don't have pets wouldn't quite understand and you might be rolling your eyes at this point saying "oh she's one of those people".
Moving on.
Stitch - he is my very handsome ex-racehorse with generally 3 working legs. You see an acquaintance of mine bought him from PA where he arrived broken and was subsequently tossed "out to pasture", due to a misdiagnosis by her vet, where he was expected to live out the rest of his days enjoying grass and sunshine in a constant state of pain. At some point she tired of paying for a horse of whom she got no pleasure from and was planning to ship him off to auction where he was sure to wind up at the butchers being several hundred pounds underweight and 3-legged lame. Well you see, I had become a little attached to the guy visiting the stable and he had a cute face and a good personality and believing that he was misdiagnosed I bought him. I had my vet out, but unfortunately the correct diagnosis was no better and expensive surgery that had a 50/50 chance of working. So Stitchy has been put on numerous herbal supplements, steroids and whatnot to keep him happy and comfortable as he lives his life merrily with his best friend Bodyguard.
Stitch was given his name by my sister. He is named after the little sometimes evil alien Disney character. Cut of course but he bit, kicked and was generally a hell raiser. After a few months of arguing he was finally won over with cookies and grain and is quite lovable now. However if you are ever doing something he would rather not have done instead of biting he tilts his head to one side and grinds his teeth. He sleeps curled up in a ball in often the muddiest spit he can find. The other day however he was curled up in a big pile of hay and my friend went out to give him his breakfast she sat down next to him and he put his head in her lap and let her rub his ears. The other day we got him out to put him through his paces to see how he was feeling. I do this for two reasons 1) you never know when a miraculous healing might occur and 2) if no miracles have happened then we need to make sure his meds are at the proper dosage. As he was trotting along haphazardly (no miracle yet) he kept looking at me standing in the middle of the ring with a look that can only be described as a glare. As he got to the end of the long side he stopped, sighed, looked out to the pasture than back to me and ground his teeth. What a little punk. :-). Even though he is generally lame on a good day he can come out and go for a nice walk. My sister was riding him and he apparently was bored because he began twisting his head from side to side while taking big exaggerated steps. One of the funniest things I ever saw a horse do. He is also the only horse I have ever seen be able to scratch his ear with his hind leg like a dog. The first time this event occurred I didn't believe it. He is a little socially awkward and doesn't make new horsey friends easily. But if a person goes out in the pasture he is the first to come say hi sniff all your pockets and follow you around like a shadow. All in all I am very happy he is in my life. He makes me smile every time I see him :-).
-- Posted From My iPhone so please excuse the typos!
Moving on.
Stitch - he is my very handsome ex-racehorse with generally 3 working legs. You see an acquaintance of mine bought him from PA where he arrived broken and was subsequently tossed "out to pasture", due to a misdiagnosis by her vet, where he was expected to live out the rest of his days enjoying grass and sunshine in a constant state of pain. At some point she tired of paying for a horse of whom she got no pleasure from and was planning to ship him off to auction where he was sure to wind up at the butchers being several hundred pounds underweight and 3-legged lame. Well you see, I had become a little attached to the guy visiting the stable and he had a cute face and a good personality and believing that he was misdiagnosed I bought him. I had my vet out, but unfortunately the correct diagnosis was no better and expensive surgery that had a 50/50 chance of working. So Stitchy has been put on numerous herbal supplements, steroids and whatnot to keep him happy and comfortable as he lives his life merrily with his best friend Bodyguard.
Stitch was given his name by my sister. He is named after the little sometimes evil alien Disney character. Cut of course but he bit, kicked and was generally a hell raiser. After a few months of arguing he was finally won over with cookies and grain and is quite lovable now. However if you are ever doing something he would rather not have done instead of biting he tilts his head to one side and grinds his teeth. He sleeps curled up in a ball in often the muddiest spit he can find. The other day however he was curled up in a big pile of hay and my friend went out to give him his breakfast she sat down next to him and he put his head in her lap and let her rub his ears. The other day we got him out to put him through his paces to see how he was feeling. I do this for two reasons 1) you never know when a miraculous healing might occur and 2) if no miracles have happened then we need to make sure his meds are at the proper dosage. As he was trotting along haphazardly (no miracle yet) he kept looking at me standing in the middle of the ring with a look that can only be described as a glare. As he got to the end of the long side he stopped, sighed, looked out to the pasture than back to me and ground his teeth. What a little punk. :-). Even though he is generally lame on a good day he can come out and go for a nice walk. My sister was riding him and he apparently was bored because he began twisting his head from side to side while taking big exaggerated steps. One of the funniest things I ever saw a horse do. He is also the only horse I have ever seen be able to scratch his ear with his hind leg like a dog. The first time this event occurred I didn't believe it. He is a little socially awkward and doesn't make new horsey friends easily. But if a person goes out in the pasture he is the first to come say hi sniff all your pockets and follow you around like a shadow. All in all I am very happy he is in my life. He makes me smile every time I see him :-).
-- Posted From My iPhone so please excuse the typos!
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
it is divorce
For some reason today several of my customers have been talking about divorce. It is sad really. That was one of Adam's fears, divorce. He is afraid to get married in case it leads to divorce. I guess that is actually a lot of people's fear. I don't blame them. I have seen a lot of people go through divorce. I have seen a lot of people get married. Sometimes the act of the wedding was the problem and the divorce was the saving grace. Sometimes people just choose badly. Sometimes people really do love each other and they really try to make it work. Sometimes outside forces shove people apart. My dad said that his work as a counselor showed that the majority of divorce came from one person putting the love of their self over their love of the other person. Even if the couple is miserably unhappy divorce is still sad and painful. I recently read "Eat, Pray, Love" in it Elizabeth Gilbert describes in detail the pain she felt through her divorce. The raw emotion that she describes through the whole ordeal often brought a tear to my eye. I'm not sure why I am writing or what I want to tell. But I guess as the new year is starting it is sad to see how many books are ending. Of course with every ending there is a beginning. But beginnings are often difficult. I hope this year for all of you ends up being good, even if the beginning seems to be tearing things apart.
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