I am asked surprisingly often why I am single. Almost like it is a crime that I am. Some people have even come to the conclusion I must be a lesibian. This was a shock to me the first time I was asked :-). I have several married friends and several single friends. I have single friends who are happy to wait and I have single friends that are obsessed with finding their mate (male and female I should add). I was watching "that 70's show" the other day (great quality TV I know) the episode where Hyde comes back married to stripper Samantha and like magic they are perfect for eachother their relationship just works. I have single friends who chase after any available man in hopes they will click and spend the rest of their lives together. I knew a guy who "interviewed" potential wives. I have a friend who wants to "wake-up" the guy that she currently likes so that they can enter into matrimonial bliss. I know of girls who are so anxious to wed yet feel they should hear a sign from God that they make up words of God in their head to justify whatever thoughts or actions they are presently entertaining. I've also heard of married couples who only got married because God told them to not nesiscarily because they loved each other at the time. Then of course you have arranged marriges and mail order brides. Does it seem to anyone else that we are maybe too obcessed with this idea of marriage? Maybe that is why we have such a high divorce rate. Maybe we are so caught up in the whole deal that we jump down the ailse with the wrong person. Well I guess it's not the only reason why we can't, as Americans, seem to hold marriages together. But sometimes I think if we were just pateint and waited for the right time the right person who shares the same passions and desires and goals and morals as you then maybe we wouldn't be so disfunctional 20 years later. Still we are often told seek and ye shall find.
-- Posted From My iPhone so please excuse the typos!
Monday, December 21, 2009
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3 comments:
Oh gosh, I have so much so say about this post, but I'm on my way out the door. I'll write a doozy when I get back!
Ok doll, I loved the question that you posed: why after all our searching or waiting, do our marriages not work out or not satisfy? I don't think the problem so much the process of finding someone to marry but the motivation behind it. Someone could go out looking for a husband or someone could wait to be found. What really matters is what's driving that search or that waiting. I think that the reason so many of us are frustrated waiting for husbands to come along or are dissatisfied once we do get married is that we've made some kind of idol out of the idea of marriage. We don't so much want to get married because we've found someone who can share our life's passions and can build a future with but because we are insecure about being alone. I'm sure so many of the people who come into the Bean and ask why you are still single are merely people who mean well, but at the heart of this question is the belief that you are somehow not complete until you have a boyfriend or husband. Don't get me wrong--I think that a lot of us would be happier to have husbands, but sheer happiness shouldn't just be the goal. And your friends who are asking you these things are probably women whoa are bored or disallusioned with their own relationships and want to meddle in yours. That's what I find to be true anyway. The people who always nag me about being single are always married people. Single people always understand that there are tons of reasons why I could be single and it's a sensitive subject for many of us. I love that people want me to be happy and they think that I would be happier married and that's why they ask me all the time about being single, but the fact remains that if they aren't happy in marriage, it's a poor enticement for the rest of us single people to try it. It's hard for me to hear "When are you getting married?" all the time from people who have terrible marriages.
Anyway, that was a little rant. Point is: I think you get asked this question all the time because people care about you and want you to be happy, even if their thinking is misguided. And other people who ask are just being nosy and rude . . .
Katherine my dear I love you!
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