it is a two person dance

A not so frequent flier came in the other day and when I asked how she was she stated that she had left her husband. When I asked if she thinks that the issues were something that could be worked through she said she had given him the ultimatum to get help or not so she was waiting to see. And then she states, and you know my boyfriend has been giving me grief too... OK so does anyone else see the problem here? I knew a couple several years ago who were getting a divorce because they were too good friends. They never fought the wife said. And he made enough money so all she had to do was run around and do her pet projects. In my mind an excellent marriage, but the wife was bored so she moved out, he was crushed. Another customer has said to me that her husband is not as attentive as she would want him to be. And another has stated that her husband of 11 years has been dictating her life. The thing is I think that if these people would really just stop and think about both sides of the relationship they would see that the other party is not entirely to blame. Somewhere in the Bible it says pull the log out of your own eye before you try to pull the speck from your brothers. I am not sure people pay enough attention to this piece of knowledge. The first customer I mentioned said that she has been waiting 9 years for him to change but they have only been married 7 so that would imply that he had these problems before they wed. The wife who feels her husband doesn't show enough affection? He was that way when they got married and in fact she is well aware of that. The best friends? I will bet you $100 that they got married because they were best friends and that friendship had blossomed into something deeper. The wife who feels her husband is controlling I know for a fact married him for that reason. The point I am trying to make is maybe we are too quick to judge the faults of others than to lay part of that blame on ourselves. A psychology teacher of mine once said, 'Men marry women and want them to stay the same, women marry men planning on changing them.'

it is a girl thing

I have a friend who is very much so tied up in her femininity. The thing is though I think she is really tied up on her sense of fashion or as she believes the lack there of. This friend feels that one of our mutual acquaintances is not feminine because she doesn't do up her hair, wear a bunch of make-up etc etc. In defense of this person she does do all those things just not often. I have a very close friend of mine who does her hair every morning, wears all the right clothes etc etc. But does that make her more feminine than the one who does it only on occasion? Merriam-Webster states, that feminine is a characteristic of or appropriate or unique to women (ie; feminine beauty or a feminine perspective). Femininity is the quality or nature of the female sex. While effeminate is having feminine qualities untypical of a man : not manly in appearance or manner. So with all that it sounds to me that my friend is really trying to show outward effeminacy, though someone has told her that is what it is to be feminine. This friend of mine considers me to be feminine, when I never wear makeup can often be found slumming in sweats and am pretty comfortable around dirt. So what is it that makes me feminine? Is it my emotional state of being? My love of flip flops and high heels? One of my dearest friends is a blonde vixen. She doesn't consider herself feminine at all, yet she has men falling over themselves while around her. Are there as many definitions of feminine as there are women in the world? Are fashion models more feminine than Midwest house wives? Is outward appearance the only thing that makes you feminine or not? Is it internal? Genetic? Emotional? Hormonal? Do you realize the wars that are being fought right now are because of the different views of femininity? Is it that important?

it is only human

I have this employee, Jessica, and she is an incredible woman. She is so strong, the things in life she has had to deal with seem so hard, emotionally and physically. And yet she still smiles, gives a hug, is there to support others. She is truly amazing. I don't know if people understand sometime how easy their life is. There is nothing more amusing to me when people attempt to empathize with a story of their own and then once the story is told all you can do is stare at them for thinking that what this other person is going through is anything like what they experienced. I don't lead the easiest life, nor do I lead the hardest. I think the point I am trying to make is that it is astounding what we little humans can endure. And at the same time how we can blow the small things way out of proportion. My sister met this professor who compared everything to HIV kids in Africa. Funny as it was to hear him constantly say this he makes a valid point. Maybe sometimes in life we just have to see someone worse off then us to realize how good we have it. Maybe we shouldn't sit and say poor me but instead reach out to assist someone else. Maybe we should when we are going through a hard time in our own lives focus on the smallest good that happened. Maybe we should try to look beyond our world and into another's for a change.