it is a dream(nightmare?)

Continuing my non-sleep pattern I had a terrible time falling asleep last night. When I finally did I slept for a whopping 2 hours. During those 2 hours I had a wretched dream. And here on this lovely medium of the internet I will share said dream and I would like to open it for interpretation.

In this dream I returned home. To our little house on Hillside Rd on top of the little mountain in North NJ. I returned with a man I was apparently dating, a tall light haired, green eyed man. I planned to show him everything; the house, the Tepee made out of fallen trees, the big white house with the dog that scared our dog, my neighbor's little house that my sisters and I spent so many afternoons, the tree house, the swamp, the pet cemetery, the top of the trail where you could see the city's skyline, everything. When we got there though everything had changed. My neighborhood of 10 houses had turned into a neighborhood of 100. Cement everywhere. The blueberry trail had turned into a park full of cement and graffiti. The tree tepee had fallen over, the tree house torn down. The old barn that my sister and I used to play at was abandoned, all the horses gone, fences fallen. So as I was walking him around my old home I was explaining to him all that used to be. The whole time I was though I kept thinking 'this is not the guy I thought I would be showing this to', 'this isn't the guy I'm supposed to be sharing this with', 'I wanted to share my whole life, past and all with someone else'. As we went on walking and hiking I could feel my heart sinking deeper and deeper. Then as we were hiking towards to old mining area he grabbed me and kissed me and promptly proposed. And I promptly said yes. I instantly woke in turmoil. The fact that my old home town changed really was nothing more than my subconscious telling me that we really can never go back, you never step in the same river twice etc, etc. It was the man that bothered me.

it is lost love

I was listening to Katie Perry's "the one who got away" on the radio the other day. So sad actually. It reminded me of a sermon I heard. The priest said that the most common regret he was told when people were on death's door was that they didn't love enough. Colbie Callait's song "before I let you go" is another song about lost love. Adele's "someone like you" and "rolling in the deep" for that matter most of her album 21 is about lost love. I was watching "crazy stupid love" and they kept saying; if you've found the one then you have to fight for it. My question is; HOW THE HELL DO YOU KNOW WHO IS THE ONE? Which is now reminding me of the movie "Timer" yes it would be nice if technology would tell us who our soul mate is. Of course when did technology ever do anything perfectly?