Friday, January 30, 2009
it is a two person dance
A not so frequent flier came in the other day and when I asked how she was she stated that she had left her husband. When I asked if she thinks that the issues were something that could be worked through she said she had given him the ultimatum to get help or not so she was waiting to see. And then she states, and you know my boyfriend has been giving me grief too... OK so does anyone else see the problem here? I knew a couple several years ago who were getting a divorce because they were too good friends. They never fought the wife said. And he made enough money so all she had to do was run around and do her pet projects. In my mind an excellent marriage, but the wife was bored so she moved out, he was crushed. Another customer has said to me that her husband is not as attentive as she would want him to be. And another has stated that her husband of 11 years has been dictating her life. The thing is I think that if these people would really just stop and think about both sides of the relationship they would see that the other party is not entirely to blame. Somewhere in the Bible it says pull the log out of your own eye before you try to pull the speck from your brothers. I am not sure people pay enough attention to this piece of knowledge. The first customer I mentioned said that she has been waiting 9 years for him to change but they have only been married 7 so that would imply that he had these problems before they wed. The wife who feels her husband doesn't show enough affection? He was that way when they got married and in fact she is well aware of that. The best friends? I will bet you $100 that they got married because they were best friends and that friendship had blossomed into something deeper. The wife who feels her husband is controlling I know for a fact married him for that reason. The point I am trying to make is maybe we are too quick to judge the faults of others than to lay part of that blame on ourselves. A psychology teacher of mine once said, 'Men marry women and want them to stay the same, women marry men planning on changing them.'
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2 comments:
I totally agree. So many times people insist on perfection around them without thinking they might need to make a few changes themselves. As far as I know there is only One on this earth who did not need deliverance from Original Sin. That means for the rest of us, we have some cleaning up to be done. And usually, it's from the inside out.
Your application of that Bible verse here is perfect.
Keep recording your thoughts!
I am always impressed by your brilliance and wisdom. Life is ultimately about choices. People can choose to stay or choose to leave, but it is their choice, nothing is forced on them by their partner. We all should spend more time appreciating our mate, our family, our friends - and less time wishing they were more perfect.
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