So let me start you all off with how we met. I went to the Jewish Arts Festival a couple of weeks ago. It's funny how you end up places it was the most random turn of events and the fact that I was free happened to see the ad the day before and was craving potato latkes found me and a couple of friends at a food and art fest at the Jewish Community Center. I was standing next to the music tent listening to some guy rip it up on piano and sing in Hebrew when this guy came up and started chatting. Just regular stuff 'hi I'm so and so, do you like the music, do you live here in KC' than came the 'does your boyfriend live here in KC' well considering I'm recently officially unattached I tell him so.
"I would love to have you," he says "but I am twice your age and so you do not want me I understand. But my nephew is a good boy and I pray to God that he meet good Jewish girl." He gave me the perfect out, I'm not Jewish! "This is OK," he answers "are you close to the judeo-Christian religion?" Well yes yes I am I'm catholic. "Oh this is good God has a way of bringing people together! He is a good boy, he has good job, he makes good money, he lives in good house. Please meet my nephew." At this point I am laughing so hard (on the inside) but decline. "Rebecca," he tells me "do you know what my name means in Hebrew? It means miracle, there is a reason we meet here today." What could I do? I mean he being a bringer of miracles and all and Lord knows my heart could use a little miraculous encounter. So I meet the guy, I say "Hello, my name is Rebecca. your uncle is trying to set us up." He gives me a once over and says "good uncle" Oh dear lord I don't know whether to be embarrassed, flattered or offended. I ended up just being flattered :-). So long story longer we exchanged numbers. I made a pact with a friend and invited him to Californos Monday night, and he came. Props to him for being brave and showing up to meet a girl who he didn't know with all her friends around her. Lots of brownie points for that. So he texts me the next day, we set a date for Saturday afternoon. OK so I didn't really feel a connection with him, at all. He's nice and cute and funny has a great accent grew up in Israel "he makes good money, he has good house, he is a good Jewish boy". And he apparently thought I was interesting enough to get to know better so what's the harm? So I didn't feel a huge connection with him at first impression, doesn't mean I won't later. First impressions can often be wrong. And just because Adam and I felt instantly connected and the spark was there from the beginning doesn't mean it happens that way all the time right? I mean there's a possibility we just have to chat it up for a bit and the spark will grow yeah? So I go out to lunch with him. He's nice, we meet at a nice little place eat some good food and attempt to chat. We don't have too terribly much in common. Not really any conversations going around. He says something then I do etc etc which is technically conversing yes but there wasn't any discussion or debate about any issues. And I know myself I keep my little walls up it takes me a bit to take them down and guys have to work at taking them down it's not easy (so sorry Adam). So we get through lunch and I'm thinking this is taking more effort from me than I desire it to, maybe of course this is a good thing I mean I have to keep him talking which means I keep having to stretch out of my comfort zone. I guess the best way I can describe it is I felt like I was talking to one of my customers, asking about their day, work etc. But instead of it lasting 5 minutes it was a couple of hours. He did say some interesting and funny things, I giggled occasionally there were moments where I thought 'oh see Bec this is better, you just work yourself up you need to let it flow' and then the flow would end. One thing he did say still makes me smile. He said the way Jewish people tend to look at men ans women is as follows; God created Adam and said this is good but I can do better so he made Eve. "Second model is always better and we are OK with that we know women are better than us." Hysterical. Other positives? He's OK with the fact that I am Italian and a crazy one at that. He says " this is OK God made the Mediterranean people that way, warm blood easy to boil" he asked what ticks me off, what will set the crazy Italian side off, cute, endearing. But then the topic came up about movies etc. and I quote "you must see Borat it is poetry." OK so we'll give him the shadow the doubt since English is his second language and say that he didn't mean poetry. But then he starts talking about Jack Ass and the spin off on TV Wild Boys or Bad Guys or whatever the heck it was called and what great fun it is. Oh dear heavens he's 'that guy'. I like manly guys, I like boys who are boys, I'm not looking for a girlfriend in male form BUT not that kind of boy. I want a guy who is into sports, and maybe a little nerdy who likes to watch war movies and plays poker and smokes cigars. Not a guy who thinks people causing themselves unnecessary pain or insulting others as 'good quality' entertainment. Sigh. Well better luck next time eh? I'm holding nothing against him, he will probably make someone an awesome husband and a good father but not me.
I am sure there will be more to come since my friends seeing my heartbreak want me to find that kind of happy I felt when I was allowed to love Adam. I am happy though now for the most part. I still feel released from the hold he had on my heart. I was driving the other day and was dancing to whatever was playing on the radio and I had a little image of myself in a glass cage inside my heart and I could see little me busting out and living life. Breaking through my barriers and embracing the fun of the world around me. I could feel the love that God has for the world and how powerful and pure it was. I am holding onto that strength, trying to anyhow. Holding onto the fact that God's love is so powerful it keeps everything in place, keeps this world operating, and functioning properly. And he loves me with that powerful love. And the fact that I have now learned how passionately I can love someone means I deserve someone who loves me that passionately. I deserve someone who can't stop thinking about me. Who wants to tell me things he doesn't want to tell others. Who wants to take care of me and make me feel safe. That is what I deserve, I know because that is how I love.
