Several times a week here at the shop I come across a surprisingly common problem, who should buy. It amazes me when two friends are out together and one offers to buy the other one puts up quite the protest. Their are many people who have mental issues in receiving anything no matter how small even from a friend. I think many people see gratitude as prideful. When you see someone who readily accepts compliments about their dress, appearance, manner etc sometimes we assume they are conceited for never saying, no I'm not really. Its like there is a stigma on accepting good things. If you take the coffee your friend bought does that mean you are somehow better than them? Or if you don't take it are you better then them? Or how about this one, should you not accept the coffee because you are not worthy of the courtesy? When my sister and I performed at weddings afterward many people would come up and tell us how wonderfully we sounded and how talented we were etc etc. (Please do not assume I am telling you this to brag) At first, at least for me, it was terribly awkward. I did not see myself as talented or wonderful in any light. Eventually I just believed that people could hear better than me and that must be why they liked my voice, they could hear something I could not. Now that I have come to accept the fact that I possibly do have some talent in the vocal department, I enjoy the compliments. I can be truly gracious, I have accepted God's gift and in return have passed it on to people who then in turn can give me a gift of thanks. We all have to give in order to receive and we all have to receive in order to give. So when your friend offers to buy you a coffee think of this, God has given them the gift of caring, sharing or hospitality, by not accepting you are actually hurting the other person by not allowing their gift to be given. The next time someone gives you a compliment about something you have accomplished, don't down play your accomplishment, otherwise you will not allow the gift of reassurance that God has given them, to pass on to you. None of this will make you proud, conceited, arrogant or pig headed. Because what you must do with the gift that has just been given to you is to pass it on.
-Bex
1 comment:
This is a very timely post, Becca, as I was just having a conversation with a friend about this very thing. I have often felt uncomfortable when people want to pay for whatever it is we are out getting. At first, I thought this might be a common problem for people who have low self-esteem and don't think they are worthy of gifts, but after I thought about it more, I really think it has more to do with control of the situation. If I allow someone to pay for me, then I feel indebted to that person and feel that they have control over the situation. This is very silly, obviously, but I really think that this is true. I find that people who are control freaks usually are the ones who have the problem receiving gifts, even if it's something as small as a cup of coffee. Thanks for all your insight.
Post a Comment