it is a learning process

So, needless to say this week has been well interesting. Thanks to Adam's phone call a lot of the emotions, that I had very gratefully moved passed, resurfaced. I remembered everything I missed, the funny, caring, smart, interested in vampires, addicted to football, kind, handsome Adam that I fell in love with. Of course I remembered the pansy, afraid to make a decision, have your cake and eat it too Adam that broke my heart. As I've been thinking this week, turning over things in my head over and over, what did I do wrong, what didn't I have that wasn't worth a risk, could I have held out longer, yaddayaddayadda. I have poured over these questions over and over again. And I have not come up with an answer that is flashing at me "BEX THIS IS WHAT YOU DID WRONG!" I'm not saying I was the best half-girlfriend ever but I was a pretty darn good one. One of the things that made me laugh a bit from that phone call yesterday was that Adam was upset that I had begun to date other people, purely ironic since he is still dating that same girl. Double standard yeah? Anyways during my thinking and self interrogation the guys I have talked to/gone out with over the past few months actually helped my crazy emotional Sicilian self think a little differently. And so, much to your joy I am certain, I'm going to talk a little bit about the recent men in life.

First, hopefully you all remember the cute Camaro driving Jewish boy last fall? You know the one who loves Borat? What did this guy teach me? That I am not the girl that will fall in love with a guy just because he pays attention to her. This is actually a terrible fear of mine, you see those girls who fall in and out of love so quickly and eventually marry a guy for no reason than the fact that he made her feel beautiful. I never want to be that girl.

Next lets talk about Lance from Alaska. He taught me that not only could I be viewed as desirable but that a man (a man attracted to me no less)could actually be strong and honest (if you haven't figured it out he was the other guy in the blog about men). I still miss Lance a bit, he is a really good guy, I really hope he's happy.

And the latest Jimmy in California (I know you are all asking yourselves why I can't seem to find someone somewhat closer but I promise I am trying just a little short on luck I guess). Jimmy is quite the sweetheart but he taught me that I could do the right thing even if not doing anything is easier, you see Jimmy was falling for me and well I wasn't falling for him, nice and kind as he was not a single bit of me desired him. So a few days ago I told him so. When I told him I hoped he found someone closer to him and better than me he said "but you were just right". Sweetheart, I know.

So I'm still on a search for my "great", but I'm learning with some help along the way.