it is a funny thing that happened on the way to the forum

So I came back from the retreat (if one can call a 24 hours stint a retreat :-)) and I felt great, really did. Accepting that a failed relationship does not make me a failure was one of the greatest things I have ever grasped. So as curious fate would have who called me two days after this moment of closure, this moment of acceptance, this precipice of moving on? Adam. Figures right? In all honesty I almost had a heart attack, I started to cry, then hyperventilate, my heart rate jumped to 180, as I was sitting on my sofa watch "Tangled" I realized two things A) I apparently still have very strong emotions connected to this man and B)I needed to calm down and not die of a stroke at the age of 27 over a boy no less. After deliberation and a few margaritas I called him back the next afternoon. A good friend of mine was there with me, mainly to keep my heart rate down to a more normal pace after the conversation. Adam was wanting to reconnect with me somehow. He thought everything was fine (it can be obviously stated that he refused to read my blog while we were "together" and so he most assuredly doesn't read it now). He didn't understand why I don't want him in my life. He told me I was his best friend and he still cared about me, but here's the kicker - he's still dating that same someone. When I told him that he made me feel cheap and my emotions were worthless he scoffed and said it was over dramatic of me to feel that way. I don't think he ever did, or ever will understand the depth of my emotion. Talking to my friend after this conversation I explained I believed I don't think he believes that kind of love exists. (I have a feeling if you dig through my blogs you will find something regarding this issue it feels vaguely familiar to me.) I would like to state something here. My heart breaks for all those in the world who do not believe true, deep, hard love doesn't exist. I know we humans are excellent at hurting each other. I know I have hurt people, in fact I know I have hurt Adam. I know other people have hurt me. All you have to do is turn on a current TV show and see how people hurt other people. Again it breaks my heart. I wish I could cover the world in deep true passionate enduring love, but God himself attempted the same thing and well, we all know how that went right? Let us say for sake itself that Jesus never existed, that it was just a story made up by a sect of Jews who were ready for the world to be different, even if that is the case and you want to be agnostic, atheist or whathaveyou, you still have to admit that the basis of that tale was that love is the most important thing in the world, and I would like to add, love is the absolute hardest thing to accomplish. I loved Adam, and I am not ashamed to say that part of me still does, but because we live in imperfection love is often not enough. My Dad told me one day while I was crying for possibly the 100th hour after I stopped pretending Adam and I were something we were not that I would find happiness again and that some day when I was married and had children I would look back at this love as a sad moment in my life but life is full of sad moments we just have to move past. And so I am, slowly eternally slowly but I am.