it is independence

I am told almost on a daily basis that I am intimidating, that for some reason or another I scare people. It is creating quite a complex in my brain let me tell you. I watched a movie the other day call Ginger and Cinnamon. It is a little Italian Indie film that is just wonderful, if you happen upon it pick it up. There was a line in the film that has stuck with me a little while, "When you see yourself through the eyes of others and it is not how you view yourself which is more important? The way you see yourself or the way others see you?" We've been told since we were young that we shouldn't care what others think of us, that we should be our own person that we should break the mold, etc etc etc. But I think it is important to take into consideration how other people see you especially if it seems to be the consensus. So every time someone says I am intimidating it has to do with either my independence or self-assuredness. The deal is this, just because I am successful as a single woman does not mean I do not need help, ask my family I am constantly in need of rescuing. Just because I can carry my head up in a crown does not mean that I am not inwardly having a panic attack afraid that I will say the wrong thing, fall down or make a complete fool out of myself. That just because I can mow my lawn, build a bookshelf, plunge a toilet or kill a wasp doesn't mean I wouldn't rather have someone else do it for me. Just because I can ride large horses and tell them what to do, doesn't mean that every time I step my foot into the stirrup I don't have to convince myself I can. Even though I might be able to do all these things, run a house, run a business, and whathaveyou on my own doesn't mean I want to forever. Independence should not be confused with non-dependence.