It is 230

It is 230 in the morning. I was awakened by the most wretched sound, I thought my cat was being eaten alive. The dogs went CRAZY!!!!! I looked outside, the cat was trotting up the driveway. Good cat is still alive. Cat went to the other side of the car. When I opened the door to go see what damage had been done, maybe my cat was ripped apart and bleeding somewhere. I saw something else move on the side of the car. A fox, looked grey in the street light, is aparently pals with my cat. When the fox trotted across the street I called for my cat and he came up to the
porch with not a scratch on him. Totally fine and totally calm. Bizarre.







-- Posted From My iPhone so please excuse the typos!

it is worth fighting for?

A friend of mine told me the other day, if there are things worth fighting for there are things worth getting upset about. My question is this, how do you know what you think is worth fighting for IS worth fighting for? How do you know if what your wanting to fight for is something you should actually let go of?


-- Posted From My iPhone so please excuse the typos!

it is optimism

10 minutes ago I told a customer, you know what? I think it's going to be a great day today.
I have no idea how those words came from me. When I woke up this morning I thought, well are you ready for the day from hell? Why did I think this day would be such? I closed the shop last night, thankfully I got out on time, and now I'm opening this morning. I went to bed at 1030 last night and didn't fall asleep until 12, at which point I woke up every 30-45 minutes in a tense sorrow, if that makes sense my dreams were plauged with things that will never be. I was fully awake at 3 and stayed that way until my alarm went off at 445 when I actually drug myself out of bed to get to work so I could start the first minute of a 14 hour day. Do you see how my pessimism had good reason? However after being at work for 45 minutes, while drinking a new brew that decidedly I do not like, finding out that my work computer that was fine when I packed it away last night won't turn on, and seeing that I missed a bus bin of dishes last night, and as torrential rain pours outside I said to my first customer at 6:01 "you know what? I think it's going to be a great day." Where the happy thought came from I don't know. The customer surely didnt insprie my mood as he was complaining of exhaustion and spilling his tea. I don't know if it will be a great day. But somehow saying those words made me a little happier, a little braver even, to face this long day. I guess that says something for positive thinking eh?



-- Posted From My iPhone so please excuse the typos!

it is independence

I am told almost on a daily basis that I am intimidating, that for some reason or another I scare people. It is creating quite a complex in my brain let me tell you. I watched a movie the other day call Ginger and Cinnamon. It is a little Italian Indie film that is just wonderful, if you happen upon it pick it up. There was a line in the film that has stuck with me a little while, "When you see yourself through the eyes of others and it is not how you view yourself which is more important? The way you see yourself or the way others see you?" We've been told since we were young that we shouldn't care what others think of us, that we should be our own person that we should break the mold, etc etc etc. But I think it is important to take into consideration how other people see you especially if it seems to be the consensus. So every time someone says I am intimidating it has to do with either my independence or self-assuredness. The deal is this, just because I am successful as a single woman does not mean I do not need help, ask my family I am constantly in need of rescuing. Just because I can carry my head up in a crown does not mean that I am not inwardly having a panic attack afraid that I will say the wrong thing, fall down or make a complete fool out of myself. That just because I can mow my lawn, build a bookshelf, plunge a toilet or kill a wasp doesn't mean I wouldn't rather have someone else do it for me. Just because I can ride large horses and tell them what to do, doesn't mean that every time I step my foot into the stirrup I don't have to convince myself I can. Even though I might be able to do all these things, run a house, run a business, and whathaveyou on my own doesn't mean I want to forever. Independence should not be confused with non-dependence.

it is jazz

You know what I love about Jazz music? There is a song for every mood, every emotion, every part of life. So many jazz musicians play my soul.

It is the world

The world is often not what we see it as. We look at it from one perspective, our own. The world moves around us but yet we are not the center. Often we get caught up in our own stuff. All week I've been hung up on what I've been going through and I forgot to look at what others are living. The world is beautiful and disasterous, happy and devestating. I pray I will remember to look at things differently more often than not. My life is good, la bella vita.


-- Posted From My iPhone so please excuse the typos!

it is gardening

Last Saturday I spent the morning in my yard. I LOVE yard work, trimming trees, weeding, watering, fertilizing, planting, I just don't often have time to devote to it.The thing I love best about yard work is that you can think without anybody really interrupting you. An occasional neighbor says hello, your fellow yard workers will occasionally ask questions, but really its just you and the dirt. And dirt doesn't talk that much. Not only are you alone you are participating in a physical activity which helps stimulate your brain. I had such a wonderful time thinking and digging, processing and weeding.

it is patience

Today I am learning that it is always better to wait. Well, let me start this story at the beginning.

Yesterday my new roommate moved into my house. I don't really know her, I've met her of course, but in the 15 minutes I spent "interviewing" her I came to the conclusion she was a generally honest person and wouldn't kill me when I slept. She is young, first time out of her parents' home and all that jazz. I was worried that I would have to lead her through whathaveyou and be put in a role such as a guide which is not what I want to do when I get home from long days at work. I kept thinking I should talk to her get this all hashed through, yadda yadda yadda. So now we are to yesterday, I didn't talk to her, develop massive amount of barriers, and ground rules and I didn't freak out about my space versus her space etc etc. And I am pleasantly surprised that I waited. She is more responsible more considerate and there was no reason for me to freak out on her so I'm glad I didn't, I'm glad I decided to take it as it comes, cross bridges if they come and not conjure up issues that may never exist.

I am taking this as a lesson I need to apply to other parts of my life, specifically one situation that I am finding myself. When dealing with people I am discovering you should never know what to expect, you shouldn't plan or guess or assume, they will always surprise you. I am terrible at patience. When I have made up my mind I am all in, ready for the plunge, just do it, but I have to constantly remind myself that maybe other people are more cautious, smarter, jaded, hurt, or just plain moving at a different pace. It is so hard for me to wait for the green light, waiting for my passionate self to be able to leap into the unknown. Why I am so willing to take these incredible leaps (opening a business, buying a house, etc) I don't know. Each deep dive I have taken isn't a nice clean entrance into the water, more like a belly flop from the 10m platform. But yet a new experience presents itself to me I am so willing to risk it all, see if it works and if I end up with my heart broken, leg shattered, or spleen ruptured it doesn't matter. Oh but when these chances involve other people it is so hard to let them come to this conclusion on their own, that I am worth the risk of making a mistake again, and that maybe I won't be a mistake at all, maybe it is right, maybe not, but we should find out. Even though I am chomping at the bit and ready to run I have to remember what just happened, what I am taught over and over and over again, it is always better to wait it out, take it as it comes, don't get ahead of yourself.

It is a change

My sister has moved out of my house. A new roomate is soon to move in. I have to admit it was wonderful being home by myself last night, I'm not sure when the last time I was alone in my home for an evening. However I am sure I will miss my sister. My mother was upset that I wasn't crying when I saw her (my sister) off. I know this is the right thing for her to do and therefore have not a sad feeling in my body, just happiness.


She is doing something that many people only talk about. She is young and stepping out into the world unknown grabbing it by the horns and staring down it's blazing eyes saying "bring it on!" She wrote a blog discussing her reasoning behind her move (adalia-music.blogspot.com). There are so many opportunities we recieve in life, some more obivious than others. But there are so few opportunities we take.


I wish you the best mia bella! Take on the world and leave the beasts of fear and selfdoubt trembling in your wake!