So to continue my dream saga of last week, I had a dream about Adam. I don't remember the dream contents much just that we hugged (big hugging theme last week, apparently I've been needing more hugs in my life). In the dream my skin itched with missing his touch. I heard it described really well in a film the other day - electric velvet. But my heart, my heart felt like it was trying to force itself into a puzzle piece that it didn't belong. It shoved and squished itself into his piece but it was so uncomfortable it popped back out and then I pushed him away. I felt like this dream pretty much summed up how I've been feeling lately. I am at war with myself. My physical misses him so much but my head and my heart says we don't fit. I know they are right. I know I'm on the path to healing. I know it will only get better with time. I know all these things but it doesn't mean I don't ache, that my arms don't want to hold him and my head doesn't want to rest on his shoulder.
He's been coming into my little shop quite frequently lately. I told him he could, and it was fine for a bit. But now, it just hurts. I don't know what to do about it. I feel rude when I don't talk to him. But talking to him seems to make it worse. I don't know what to do. Je ne sais pas.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
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3 comments:
Don't feel like you have to talk to him. I think it's fine for you to tell him not to come by. He can get coffee anywhere. You are the only person who can create healthy boundaries for yourself, and it is fine to create that boundary. Just don't get into explaining and rehashing and all that. Just tell him very simply and shortly that he needs to buy coffee elsewhere from now on. And walk away. He will be fine and you will be able to heal without the scab being continually snagged and reopened.
Your shop. Your zone. YOUR place.
Tell him you have changed your mind. Tell him via email. Then, block his email address from your account.
It does not matter what you told him before. Dozens of coffee shops exist in KC; if he didn't want to lose access to the best then he shouldn't have been a cowardly, scumsucking, two-timing pig in the first place. You are in the moral and ethical right by prohibiting his access.
IF you want to move on and get rid of the drama-generating pus-filled boil, then get rid of him once and for all and stop letting him reopen the scab. Or you can live 2010 in passive-aggressive perpetuity.
i agree with both your friends. it's time to say goodbye. hello is only opening a wound. regardless of how simple the hello is. i would write. carefully planned. few words. kind. not mushy. and not apologetic. it is what it is.
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