It is almost Christmas. And so Christmas music is playing on half of the radio stations and the stores are over stuffed with plush toys, ribbons and fir trees. In fact as I am sitting here I am in my little shop, alone, I have turned off all the glaring fluorescents and left my 1100 twinkle lights shining with my Christmas play list blaring through my iPod. It is almost magical actually. I love it.
I have had a couple of interesting dreams the last few days. The first was maybe Monday, I had a dream that I hugged six people. There was no connectivity in this dream, just random snippets of scenes in where I would hug so and so and each person/hug was met with a wash of a different emotion. So I set out to hug these people, for two reasons 1) I knew all these people and all but 1 I have hugged before, so it wouldn't be so awkward and 2) because it is a dream that could come true and who doesn't want that. I have hugged 4 of the 6 and what I find interesting is that each emotion that I felt in the dream has touched me in each hug I have so far performed. I am interested to find out about the last two, their emotions in the dream were hard to decipher. The second dream I had this past week that has haunted me a bit was a that a friend of mine asked me why I loved so many things. The first thing that came out of my mouth in the dream was "because God does." This is not an answer I think I would have come up with on my own in my conscious mind so it has left me pondering why I really do love the random things I love and is it simply because God does. If I am going to use that logic I would have to love everything and since it is entirely impossible for me to love every single thing in the world (especially mosquitoes, hairy spiders, little sneaky spiders, serial killers and pedophiles) I've determined this is a faulty reason. So I am on a little path of self-discovery and dream fulfilling this week. I kindo like it. :-)
Tonight I was able to do one of my most favorite Christmas traditions, blasting Mariah Carey's All I Want For Christmas and dance like a mad woman while closing my little shop. What was most fun about tonight was that two girls joined me :-) Thank you AK and AM for boogie-ing down with me tonight. It was the first time I really felt in the Christmas spirit this year. I needed that overwhelming, crazy, out of control, santa clause is coming to town joy that Christmas is. You have no idea how happy my little heart was to share that moment, you made it a memory I won't forget until I am old and gray and have forgotten my own name :-)
This year has been a great year, a year of first, A LOT of firsts. Some bad, most good. Good or bad I wouldn't not have want to go through them. And tonight as I am sitting in my little shop and my twinkle lights are sparkling and the most wretched rendition of Oh Holy Night is playing over the iPod (I really must go through my Christmas music better next year) I am filled with anticipation of next year. Hopefully it will be full of new firsts and maybe a few repeats.
3 comments:
There is snow all over the place in Wheaton. It makes my heart so happy! I know I'll be sick of it in a couple more weeks, but right now it's amazing!
I hope I was one of the people you hugged =)
You are right that you love because God loves. You have been created in His image. Of course you cannot love all as He does. Yet. Because though you are created in His image, you are still only the creation; you are only human. It is a journey. Do not discount those words just because it was not the reply you would have consciously made. That answer came from the innermost chambers of your heart where He resides. As you slept, you were able to release Him past your own thoughts and feelings of inadequacy and the lies that stuffocate Him. Keep focusing on the fact of that answer. It will be one way to find your answers.
Answers. You say you didn’t feel Christmas-y until you played your fave Mariah Carey Christmas song with friends and danced carefree as a bird. Several years ago you were led to a great gift along your spiritual journey. The fact is, you will not find your answers, your peace, your meaning of life and Christmas, your complete inexpressible joy unless you are actively embracing that gift.
It’s not about laughing or even crying with friends, or singing silly songs, or dancing delightfully. It’s not about gift-giving or helping the poor among us, as so many do at this season. Nor is it about being kind and friendly. You will not even find it in your private meditation if you are not fully enjoying the gift at the same time. And it’s not about ‘being with good people in church’ because we know the church is the people wherever they are being the hands and feet and voice of Christ. If your searching is in these places, there will always be a little hole because something will always be missing.
You know all this. Not everyone has been led to that gift. Only you keep yourself from your desired peace and joy that is found there.
Take the wall down. His joy is to re-fill you with the power of His Grace each time you receive Him. Allow yourself to be who you really are. And keep hugging.
mw
hey, Bec, i agree with mw, assuming i know what gift they are talking about. i wanted to add something in case i am right. i think that gift hinted at doesn't make you or those who have also been led to it (like me) more special or privileged than those who have not they don't necessarily have the empty spot bc that point was not on their journey. There are no favorites. i think the emptiness comes when we receive the gift and do nothing with it. kind of like the parable of the talents.
love you lots, sweetie. you are bright and insightful and wise.
momma
p.s. i also agree: keep hugging
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