Today I woke up and decided to rule this day. What a beautiful idea, taking control of your own happiness and joyful thoughts. So after yelling at myself the night before and setting a rather blunt alarm to remind me to run I did just that. I then swung a little on the park swings. Enjoyment flooding my heart. I then sat on the park walk and assumed a meditative pose and allowed my mind to be quiet focusing on nothing but my breath as it flooded in goodness to my cells and exhaled pain and brokenness until all I felt was joy, love and peace. Upon getting up I remembered that age is creeping up upon my joints so I took 5 minutes to stretch out all the tightness. (here comes the point of this story btw). Once I got to work the hustle and bustle of a busy lunch went so much easier! I was talking to a friend who her boyfriend had recently broken up with her and she has decided to not give love another chance (not that I blame her being in her spot multiple times. She however has a man who has been in love with her for a while and since she is now single is attempting to show his affections. She however wants to run full tilt the opposite direction fearing the same outcome as before. (and here is where I actually get to my point) I am so glad that I accepted my pain. I am so glad that I forced myself through it the long hard ugly way. I am glad that I gave as many chances I could to each man in my life. I am glad that all of those chances ended up with me crying myself to sleep. I am glad that the bartender has found a girl to marry that is not me. I am glad that Adam never fell in love with me completely. I am glad that Nick lived in Alaska. I am glad that I had too much neck hair for the motocross rider. I am glad that I am "too good" for Bear. And the reason is this. If at night I didn't feel completely alone. And if when I wake in the morning I did not feel hopeless I would not have searched for hope, strength, love of self, courage and compassion. Because I probably went about my heart breaks in the worst possible ways I still believe in love, trust and companionship. I might not ever find it for myself....but I know I can be strong, I know I can love, I know I will be just fine when all is said and done.
I love each and every person who stood by my side as I completely unraveled my own life because without you I wouldn't have become a smarter, stronger and more loving version of me.
I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!
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2 comments:
i am glad you are back. i am glad you are you. i am glad you realize how important life's hard lessons can be. i love you
I love you, too.
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