it is choices

We all make choices in life. To eat a salad or fried chicken. To buy the blue shirt or the yellow. To drive or to take the bus. To work or not to work. To go to a bar or stay home.
Many of our choices are made for us due to circumstance. I may chose to eat the salad because I have a heart condition not allowing me to eat fried chicken. I look horrible in blue so I'll buy the yellow. I will drive because there is no bus route to my destination. I'll stay home because I am an alcoholic.

But what about the choices to live, to enjoy, to love? Those choices are a conscious effort. The answers we have to those choices define our character and our future.

Choose wisely. I pray I will.




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MoKan Walks #2

Kill Creek Park, De Soto,KS. I only barely got into this park and it was b-e-a-utiful! I can't wait to go back. It has paved trails and dirt trails for horses hikers and bicyclers. Fun!
























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MoKan Walks #1

My family members are big Colorado fans. And I gotta give it to 'em it definitely has amazing hikes and probably a lot more than we do out here. But I'm putting on my optimistic hat and seeking out great trails around this KC area. Trail 1 Tall Grass Prairie National Preserve just north of Strong City, KS(about a two hour drive from KC). Beautiful! Had a picnic while watching bison graze. It has a fun farmstead and cool old barn with a very friendly barn kitty. Great views and worth the drive. If you want to see the whole park you can take a tour bus.
































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it is the past's perception of the future

Sometimes I feel like who my past self thought I should be runs into the present me. If I think about who and where I thought I would be at this point in my life when I was say 21 I am no where near it. But does it mean I am a failure or not on track or not living at good life? NO IT DOSEN'T!!!! That's all I've got to say.


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24

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it is tough

Just because life is hard does not mean life is not good.
Today as I went off on my run I was in quite a foul mood. So many dragons battling it out in my mind. Too much. Family and personal struggles with money, work, careers, school, goals, dreams, love. And so my run was less than stellar to say the least. I would run for 30seconds and thoughts of why couldn't he love me, why do I have to have a career, why is life so bloody expensive, why am I fat (probs because I am not running lol), why isn't life what I think it should be?!?! I got back to my car and decided I should meditate. I recently flipped through a book by some monk (cannot think of his name right now) he said to begin meditating focusing on nothing but your breath (I am breathing in, I am breathing out is your entire mantra) once that is successful and you are quite from the worlds noise you can breath in good things and breath out specific hurts. And so I did. I exhaled, worthlessness, anger, pain, insecurities. I even exhaled my fat lol. I pushed all the reasons that I hold onto things right out of my cells. I pushed out my fear of being unlovable and I pushed out my emptiness. I blew out toxins and money. These things do not deserve to be part of my cell composition. I inhaled so much love I ended up laughing with tears streaming down my face as I became overwhelmed with good good things. The sun beating down on my face the wind brushing my cheek poured love, joy, hope and beauty into me. When I came out of the meditation I realized just because life is hard, and it always will be does not mean life isn't good. I focus so much time and effort onto the hardship I forget to look at sweetness. Yes work is long, but you can pay your bills, yes the bills are plentiful, but you have a job. Yes you are single, but you have family, yes your family can drive you crazy, but you have friends. Yes your heart was hurt, but your heart can now learn to be whole. I know I have a very long way to go before I see life the way I would like to. But I feel like it can happen. I want to smile with my liver.
Today's intention: to see beauty.




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it is strength

My mom would be very happy to know I pulled out eat pray love to watch the other night. She absolutely loves that film. And I'd have to agree. I know some of you think it's bologna and that's fine but I do find that movie a quiet inspiration for my soul.
Today I woke up and decided to rule this day. What a beautiful idea, taking control of your own happiness and joyful thoughts. So after yelling at myself the night before and setting a rather blunt alarm to remind me to run I did just that. I then swung a little on the park swings. Enjoyment flooding my heart. I then sat on the park walk and assumed a meditative pose and allowed my mind to be quiet focusing on nothing but my breath as it flooded in goodness to my cells and exhaled pain and brokenness until all I felt was joy, love and peace. Upon getting up I remembered that age is creeping up upon my joints so I took 5 minutes to stretch out all the tightness. (here comes the point of this story btw). Once I got to work the hustle and bustle of a busy lunch went so much easier! I was talking to a friend who her boyfriend had recently broken up with her and she has decided to not give love another chance (not that I blame her being in her spot multiple times. She however has a man who has been in love with her for a while and since she is now single is attempting to show his affections. She however wants to run full tilt the opposite direction fearing the same outcome as before. (and here is where I actually get to my point) I am so glad that I accepted my pain. I am so glad that I forced myself through it the long hard ugly way. I am glad that I gave as many chances I could to each man in my life. I am glad that all of those chances ended up with me crying myself to sleep. I am glad that the bartender has found a girl to marry that is not me. I am glad that Adam never fell in love with me completely. I am glad that Nick lived in Alaska. I am glad that I had too much neck hair for the motocross rider. I am glad that I am "too good" for Bear. And the reason is this. If at night I didn't feel completely alone. And if when I wake in the morning I did not feel hopeless I would not have searched for hope, strength, love of self, courage and compassion. Because I probably went about my heart breaks in the worst possible ways I still believe in love, trust and companionship. I might not ever find it for myself....but I know I can be strong, I know I can love, I know I will be just fine when all is said and done.
I love each and every person who stood by my side as I completely unraveled my own life because without you I wouldn't have become a smarter, stronger and more loving version of me.
I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!
































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Drinks Vol5

This is super yummy!
1.25oz Pinnacle Whipped Vodka
.75oz Skyy Citrus Vodka
1oz Orange Juice
1oz Half & Half
Shake and serve with an orange slice. Yummy!!!




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23

I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes. I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you don't deserve me at my best.
- Marilyn Monroe




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