When you branch outside of your comfort zone on an adventure to experience yourself you are bound to get a few bumps and bruises along the way. Me, being who I am these minor injuries are normally inflicted on my heart. Please be sure to note I said MINOR.
The last few weeks people have been challenging my belief in love. Part of me is starting to believe them. Maybe I am living in a fairy tale? I am just really having a hard time letting go of the idea that someone will love me. My argument to this when talking to a bartender friend of mine was if I could feel that love for someone wouldn't it make sense that someone would eventually be capable of feeling that love for me. My hope is fading though. Not just through my own personal small experiences but through watching others.
My latest bruises have been distributed by three men, Adam, my latest crush, and some random guy I had a beer with. The crush and I just are in the wrong time. Which is sad because we both feel like we could have some sort of meat and potatoes connection. So it stung a little when the realization of nothing would happen (at least for now). Adam came back into my world for a lunch. Old feelings, old hurts all there front and center. As I guzzled my beer I felt like there was a flashing neon sign above my head "I used to love this man! And here I am sitting here. Can you tell I'm scared out of my mind?" All in all the lunch went well. I only cried a little bit. It was good to see someone who knows me better than most other people in the world. Sometimes I feel like he understands me better than my family, better than my best friend he just knows me he can read between every line every bit of coyness. No matter how scary that can be it was also refreshing when you are not able to hide anything then you don't have to try hide anything. But that is where the sting comes in, someone that knows me so well, someone that I loved so deeply didn't love me. It honestly makes me feel unlovable.
The third guy told me that love was not our ultimate answer to life and somehow that set me off on an emotional breakdown. Of course love is the answer right? Shouldn't we always choose love?
Anyways I feel like it's time to change something. What I'm not quite sure but time it definitely is.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
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2 comments:
Love is not OUT THERE. It is inside. You ARE lovable simply because you encompass love and allow it to encompass you.therefore, you attract love.relax. The more peace you allow to control you the more peace and love you will attract.don't judge love by what you see in the world. Judge love and your ability to love and be loved by the One who is Love and who you know resides within. Don't judge love by the world's definition which is typically only romantic love. Romantic love can be fleeting. Real love is a choice.fix your mind and heart on Love that has created all and that lives in all and that binds all. And let Love fill you over and over again. Love has a plan. Trust that plan as you seek Love, from the inside out, not as you see on the inside. You are loveable just because you are created in Love's image.
Oops! Made a mistake up there. Supposed to be: not as you see on the OUTside.
You know where to find your answers.
The truth is this: we are created to love and to be loved.
Always hang your heart and hat on Truth
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