An Active Mind is Never Bored

but sometimes it might think of things too hard.
A friend of mine from high school is in town and every time he stops by my shop I am not there, a rare occurrence in and of itself but to happen twice is astronomically improbable. So while I was wishing I had been able to catch up, since he is not on facebook, i have NO idea why, I haven't talked with him since he moved out of state. This then made me think of my other friends from high school and chatting with them on facebook and realizing I don't have much in common with them. At all, I never really have. I then I started thinking about who I would call my closest friends and only 1 of them share my main interest. The K's and I share a very close friendship, yet when you boil down to what I hold most important among hobbies and passions, they don't share that bond with me. Of course we have things in common, theater, music, a great love for wine and Italian food, but our conversations mainly revolve around politics, theology, faith, economy, and world issues. Now all of those things I love to talk about but really my passion is in the equine section and only my friend Kel, yet a different K, shares that with me. OK so this has boiled down to the question, why is it that when someone on paper has as much in common with me as the other, they are both nice people, I have never held a grudge against one, have never been in some blow-up fight with either, do i love talking with one while the other I have to struggle to keep a topic going? Is it the fact that the K's (all three) are so brilliant that there is such a wealth of information to glean from there is never nothing to say? You know what is odd though? I want to be the others friends so badly but it seems that I am an out cast and have never been into their circle. Maybe I never will. I call all these people my friends but really I just have 5 friends, the rest are just acquaintances that i chat too on occasion. And that is another thing, it seems so one sided, I have to make all the moves to initiate a conversation or a friendship and they never fully engage. Maybe that is why? But why don't they engage? Am I repulsive, too young, too ignorant? Are we just acquaintances for acquaintance sake? But why do I feel shafted each time they do something with a lot of the people I know that I am not invited too but they proceed to talk about it while I am around, like i could have come if I had known it was going on but nobody bothered to tell me but now for some reason this loser is here and we might as well talk about all the fun we had last night with out her. Oh my heavens I am still that insecure, scared, shy, little nobody, lost and confused in the big crowd of the popular kids in high school. You know somebody told me the other day I was one of the popular kids in high school, i was like what? i barely fit in with them. And she said no, you were pretty near the center. Was I? Then why do i feel like this??? And why do i still feel disconnected? And why am i still trying? if i have 5 really good friends who love and accept me why do i feel like i still need to be included? why do i feel like the bad guy when i am not, i blame myself for them not inviting me to parties, movies, etc. What the blazes is wrong with my psyche that needs to be accepted by one and all!! I need to fix this! Blast it all!! See an active mind over analyzes the snot out of things.