The other day at the gym a couple of the old gym hounds asked me if I was still working my two jobs. I told them I was. Their response was, Any man would be a lucky man to be with you. Why are you single? I laughed and told them I was too busy. They shook their heads and said that I really should take time when the right guy comes along. I promised them I would. But there hangs that question - will the right guy ever come around?
One of the guys at the restaurant was talking to me about my single-dom (it seems wherever I go my singleness is an issue for people) he told me that I could have any guy in the place if I wanted him. That I was "one cool chic and any of the guys here would love to date me." My question to him was - so why aren't they.
I read Steve Harvey's book - Love like a Woman, Think like a Man. His basic theory was that women don't identify the way on which men love them. That we still need to love like a woman "because a woman's love hold no bounds and there is nothing else like it on earth" but that we need to identify what is going through a man's head. That they need us to identify what they are doing that actually is them showing their love - provision, ownership etc. And he said that we need to know what men are looking from us - independence and support. (Please do note that this is a summation and there was a lot more detail in the book.) He also explained to women who felt like they were just used by men why they were. His analogy was a keeper vs. catch and release. Upon reading this book I texted a guy friend of mine and told him I discovered I am the perfect woman, I'm not a slut, I am confident, I expect independence in a relationship, I am an independent person myself, I demand commitment from from men if they are not willing to have some level of it at least the level I am putting forth I'm out and I support and encourage without nagging and on top of it all I rarely judge. His reply was "yes you are which is what keeps men from actually dating you but always wanting to because they know once they are in a relationship with you they know that would be it and men are often afraid." You know the old ball and chain, the last days of their lives being wolves or wild mustangs or whatever the hell analogy that a man sees himself as in his single-dom.
Adam once told me I didn't make him feel needed (as discussed in many previous blogs no falser words have ever been spoken, well I mean the me not needing someone part I still believe to this day he was just blind to my weaknesses because he was so wrapped up in his own). Yesterday morning when I woke up my feet were moving on their own, my calf muscle were spasming so badly that my feet were actually alternating between flexing and pointing all on there own with out the assistance of any brain activity. As I was laying in bed thinking about my best move and debating whether or not I could actually walk to the bathroom to get the supplies I needed to fix my current conundrum I thought to myself "and that pansy ass rat bastard thought I was so independent I would never need him." I then cried all the way to the bathroom in pain to get my first aid muscle supplies (thank god my house is small and it was a very short painful walk).
I have to head to work and I am afraid I have no nice wrap up paragraph or phrase to tell you. It's just one of those days.
