I feel like I have certainly titled more than one post this title but what else can I say?
I'm sitting here on my short break from 24 thinking about all the people I have met within the past month or so. INCREDIBLE! I have met a dozen personal trainers with a Narcissus complex, lesbians, gays, happily married, un-happily married, happily divorced and un-happily so. I have met single parents, new parents, parent to be. I have met young people well very few older people to tell you the truth. I have met happy managers, unsatisfied managers, people who misunderstand themselves and people who are misunderstood by others. And here is what I have learned so far about the human race- each and every one of us feel the same. Of course we ate not all feeling the same way at the same time but we all share the common bond of emotion. We all get hurt, we all love, we all long to be loved, we all are scared, we all can be brave.
For the purpose of this blog i am going to focus on two guys I have met. Boy 1) bear, boy 2) Texas. Bear is terribly misunderstood by people. I've heard nothing but what a jerk this guy is since I arrived at this job. I would like to tell everyone a) he is not an b) GROW UP! I would like to point out that they are actually the jerks. The other day as I was standing listening to two psycho girls go on and on about why Bear is such a jerk and why blah blah blah I wanted to smack both of them and tell them that high school was over and as both of them are approaching their 24th birthdays it was time to start acting like an adult and MOVE ON. And learn not to gossip about random incidents that happened over a year ago and have NOTHING to do with the present time. Ugh, why do people have to be so hateful so immature and just downright mean? Bear and I get along just fine. He's not an ass hrs made mistakes but he's actually just a big Teddy Bear who despite his façade of a tough outer shell he is a sweet kind hearted soul.
Texas is my only real friend here at the gym. I adore him for the fact that he is the only one of the dozen or so trainers here who didn't judge me at first sight. We've bonded over Tom and Jerry cartoons and good conversation. I am so grateful he works there with me. Not sure honestly I could deal with all the narcissism with out at least one friend. Besides being sweet, kind, handsome, cute southern drawl, fantastic blue eyes, great sense of humor, intelligence and a plethora of other positive qualities I am not attracted to him. This I cannot figure out, mainly because I do adore him. But there is not an inkling of attraction there for me. Huh. It's making me wonder what actually causes attraction. Something to ponder.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
it is two halves that make a whole
One thing I've learned the past week or so is to take breaths, deep deep ones.
At the restaurant on Friday night they did the schedule all funky and left me by myself on the patio during happy hour. I have to say I am incredibly grateful there is more than one manager there. And usually more than one manager is there at a time on busy nights (ie Friday nights). So while I was serving 8 tables 2 manger asked if she needed to help me with anything. And the other said "aren't you capable of handling 8 tables?" To add enjoyment to my day by the time I got home at 1245am I had worked from 6am Friday morning sans 1 hour of driving. So that all adds up to what....17hours of actual work? Oh yeah and those 17 hours were spent on my feet. Driving home I thanked God for giving me tough feet. :-)
At the gym there are 4 count them 4 other employees who say hello to me first. I know this is stupid but honestly I've been there a month now and when you come in to work in the morning can't you say hello? Why do I have to be the one who says "Hey so&so good morning how are you how was your weekend etc etc" I'd say 20% of the time I don't get a hello back. I've resorted to passive aggressiveness. When one trainer- who I actually do get along with did not greet me back I "Oh my weekend was awesome thanks for asking" as he walked away. Which resulted in a smile a laugh and help with the towels later. I'm still trying to fit in. Kinda pisses me off a bit that the two new girls are loved by all. This is purely because they are short, cute, athletic little things. Both of whom I really like by the way. And they seem to get along with me just fine. But still when they are asked by everyone in the place how there day if they need help etc etc it can be frustrating and a little, well basically it pisses me off. I guess I feel like a fish attempting to fly.
On the flip side at the restaurant I feel like my personality meshes a little better. Co-workers get my jokes and the clients generally like me. In fact I have been invited to join activities outside of work. I'm again grateful I have two jobs. Stressful as it was to start two on the same day I feel like it was the best thing to do. If I was only at the gym I would end up hating my physicality and my self-esteem would have suffered while if I was only at the restaurant I wouldn't be making enough cash to survive. So again I might be exhausted, sometimes pissy but generally happy with my latest adventures.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
At the restaurant on Friday night they did the schedule all funky and left me by myself on the patio during happy hour. I have to say I am incredibly grateful there is more than one manager there. And usually more than one manager is there at a time on busy nights (ie Friday nights). So while I was serving 8 tables 2 manger asked if she needed to help me with anything. And the other said "aren't you capable of handling 8 tables?" To add enjoyment to my day by the time I got home at 1245am I had worked from 6am Friday morning sans 1 hour of driving. So that all adds up to what....17hours of actual work? Oh yeah and those 17 hours were spent on my feet. Driving home I thanked God for giving me tough feet. :-)
At the gym there are 4 count them 4 other employees who say hello to me first. I know this is stupid but honestly I've been there a month now and when you come in to work in the morning can't you say hello? Why do I have to be the one who says "Hey so&so good morning how are you how was your weekend etc etc" I'd say 20% of the time I don't get a hello back. I've resorted to passive aggressiveness. When one trainer- who I actually do get along with did not greet me back I "Oh my weekend was awesome thanks for asking" as he walked away. Which resulted in a smile a laugh and help with the towels later. I'm still trying to fit in. Kinda pisses me off a bit that the two new girls are loved by all. This is purely because they are short, cute, athletic little things. Both of whom I really like by the way. And they seem to get along with me just fine. But still when they are asked by everyone in the place how there day if they need help etc etc it can be frustrating and a little, well basically it pisses me off. I guess I feel like a fish attempting to fly.
On the flip side at the restaurant I feel like my personality meshes a little better. Co-workers get my jokes and the clients generally like me. In fact I have been invited to join activities outside of work. I'm again grateful I have two jobs. Stressful as it was to start two on the same day I feel like it was the best thing to do. If I was only at the gym I would end up hating my physicality and my self-esteem would have suffered while if I was only at the restaurant I wouldn't be making enough cash to survive. So again I might be exhausted, sometimes pissy but generally happy with my latest adventures.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
it is a quick catch up
Where oh where to begin? Well, I have a job, make that two. AWESOME! So the girl who was burned out from working too many hours in her little shop is booking just about as many hours between these two jobs, and the best part is that they are entirely on your feet on the go the whole time. So basically I AM EXHAUSTED. But I am happy. At job Gym I am surrounded by skinny women and buff men. I am the chunkiest person that works there – nothing like a little peer pressure to behave on my eating habits. At job Restaurant I am surrounded by….everybody. There are so many personalities crammed into that small kitchen space it is fascinating. I do love both jobs. And both jobs are stretching me mentally and physically. After working 16 hours yesterday getting 4 hours of sleep then heading off for 8 more hours by the time I got home today I honestly thought I might collapse and not make it into tomorrow. So what did I do, mowed the lawn.
As always I think while mowing. Thinking is such a dangerous past-time of mine. This past week+ I have been doing a lot of thinking about my choice to leave the little shop and go back into the real world. So much of my final decision had to do with heart break. In my exhaustion my heartbreak is very close to the surface as pain always is when we are tired. It seems to take more energy to stay positive. Anyways as I was mowing the lawn, wishing I wasn’t single and hence wasn’t mowing the lawn I remembered working at the restaurant last night. Walking back into the kitchen area to get ice the kitchen staff was laughing at me, I of coursed challenged their enjoyment in whatever I happened to be doing that they found so amusing, I was met with the response, “Oh you are just so beautiful”. Silly boys. I was then asked later that night if my decent was from Spain, my answer that I was Italian was met with disappointment. Silly, silly boys. There is another co-worker of mine there who I consistently find staring at me, quite certain he is smitten. Then I saw my neighbor who made very week overtures towards me last fall. At the gym there is a client who has made it quite clear he wishes to date me, I mean hey he broke up with his girlfriend/fiancé two days ago. All these thoughts were rumbling through my head as I was pushing my lawn mower back and forth, back and forth. And here is the conclusion I came to, if I wanted to I could be dating any number of men, and I am not. What does this say about me? I might be heartbroken but I still have my standards.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
OK so it’s been a few days . Think I fell asleep in the middle of the previous attempt. .
Well. It’s been a good week. Second week of my new life. I’m happy. Very happy. I haven’t been this happy since Adam and I were speaking. Yes when I wake up in the morning I feel loss, though this morning was the first I didn’t in about a month and a half. Improvement, yeah? I feel like I am starting to fit in a little. I hope it is not in my head, would stink if my perception was imaginary. I am glad I have the job at the restaurant, the gym I feel like the fattest person there, and at the restaurant I’m everybody’s sweet pea and sexy with my hair down. When going through a mental crisis fluffing is always a nice thing to have around. At both places I have discovered that I am one of a kind. N at the gym is super friendly and I adore her. However she’s a jock. She plays basketball and went to school for exercise theory or whathaveyou. I used the word harried yesterday and was met with a blank stare by all. Hairy? Hurried? Harried did not even think about computing. Now please do not misunderstand me, these people are not stupid, they are very smart, very good at what they do they just haven’t read the books I have, they aren’t interested in the world the same way I am. I asked one personal trainer who has a very unique last name where it’s origin was and he said he had never thought to look. Like I said – whole different group of personalities. At the restaurant I would have to say I would run in to very similar circumstances. Again these people are not dumb, just I am finding I am very unique in both crowds. I’ve been thinking about a lot of the positives of the past 6 months. Then stretching back to the wonderful changes in my life the past year. And lets pull it even farther – say the past 5 years.
Have you ever sat down and made a 5 year plan. You know, I’d like to be here by this date etc? I have found that most of the 5 year plans I have read involve weight loss and job title and financial status etc. But lets take a look back on each of our own 5 years. What did they really bring you? Maybe you did get job advancement, maybe you lost that weight, maybe you became a millionaire. But is that what really matters? Honestly what I would like to remember is finding my voice, finding my wings and flying like a sparrow singing my arrival wherever I go. Learning about ourselves that is really what we take with us each and every day, every moment. I am so happy I can converse with just about anyone. It is a skill I am very grateful to have learned especially seeing as my current professions would involve talking to everyone. .
I guess what I am trying to say is….all the hardship, the sleepless nights, the tears, the complete exhaustion, the complete and total heartbreak, the anxiety, the stress, the pain, the sore feet…they are all worth it because it has given me…strength, knowledge, passion, love, friends, and most of all freedom to be myself and know who that is.
So as I embark on yet another chapter of my ever growing book of life, I feel good, happy, excited and totally exhausted.
Wish me luck!
As always I think while mowing. Thinking is such a dangerous past-time of mine. This past week+ I have been doing a lot of thinking about my choice to leave the little shop and go back into the real world. So much of my final decision had to do with heart break. In my exhaustion my heartbreak is very close to the surface as pain always is when we are tired. It seems to take more energy to stay positive. Anyways as I was mowing the lawn, wishing I wasn’t single and hence wasn’t mowing the lawn I remembered working at the restaurant last night. Walking back into the kitchen area to get ice the kitchen staff was laughing at me, I of coursed challenged their enjoyment in whatever I happened to be doing that they found so amusing, I was met with the response, “Oh you are just so beautiful”. Silly boys. I was then asked later that night if my decent was from Spain, my answer that I was Italian was met with disappointment. Silly, silly boys. There is another co-worker of mine there who I consistently find staring at me, quite certain he is smitten. Then I saw my neighbor who made very week overtures towards me last fall. At the gym there is a client who has made it quite clear he wishes to date me, I mean hey he broke up with his girlfriend/fiancé two days ago. All these thoughts were rumbling through my head as I was pushing my lawn mower back and forth, back and forth. And here is the conclusion I came to, if I wanted to I could be dating any number of men, and I am not. What does this say about me? I might be heartbroken but I still have my standards.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
OK so it’s been a few days . Think I fell asleep in the middle of the previous attempt. .
Well. It’s been a good week. Second week of my new life. I’m happy. Very happy. I haven’t been this happy since Adam and I were speaking. Yes when I wake up in the morning I feel loss, though this morning was the first I didn’t in about a month and a half. Improvement, yeah? I feel like I am starting to fit in a little. I hope it is not in my head, would stink if my perception was imaginary. I am glad I have the job at the restaurant, the gym I feel like the fattest person there, and at the restaurant I’m everybody’s sweet pea and sexy with my hair down. When going through a mental crisis fluffing is always a nice thing to have around. At both places I have discovered that I am one of a kind. N at the gym is super friendly and I adore her. However she’s a jock. She plays basketball and went to school for exercise theory or whathaveyou. I used the word harried yesterday and was met with a blank stare by all. Hairy? Hurried? Harried did not even think about computing. Now please do not misunderstand me, these people are not stupid, they are very smart, very good at what they do they just haven’t read the books I have, they aren’t interested in the world the same way I am. I asked one personal trainer who has a very unique last name where it’s origin was and he said he had never thought to look. Like I said – whole different group of personalities. At the restaurant I would have to say I would run in to very similar circumstances. Again these people are not dumb, just I am finding I am very unique in both crowds. I’ve been thinking about a lot of the positives of the past 6 months. Then stretching back to the wonderful changes in my life the past year. And lets pull it even farther – say the past 5 years.
Have you ever sat down and made a 5 year plan. You know, I’d like to be here by this date etc? I have found that most of the 5 year plans I have read involve weight loss and job title and financial status etc. But lets take a look back on each of our own 5 years. What did they really bring you? Maybe you did get job advancement, maybe you lost that weight, maybe you became a millionaire. But is that what really matters? Honestly what I would like to remember is finding my voice, finding my wings and flying like a sparrow singing my arrival wherever I go. Learning about ourselves that is really what we take with us each and every day, every moment. I am so happy I can converse with just about anyone. It is a skill I am very grateful to have learned especially seeing as my current professions would involve talking to everyone. .
I guess what I am trying to say is….all the hardship, the sleepless nights, the tears, the complete exhaustion, the complete and total heartbreak, the anxiety, the stress, the pain, the sore feet…they are all worth it because it has given me…strength, knowledge, passion, love, friends, and most of all freedom to be myself and know who that is.
So as I embark on yet another chapter of my ever growing book of life, I feel good, happy, excited and totally exhausted.
Wish me luck!
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