I am Woman

Recently I have found myself talking to women about what it means to be a woman. I believe the answer is different for every woman. However, I also believe we share similar traits and common core elements. This poem came to me last night at a concert as I watched the women around me react differently, than each other but more importantly they reacted differently than the men. I don't believe this poem is perfect or for all women but like everything I post in this blog it is for me. And if you enjoy it, well that's awesome. 💖B

Remember I am a woman and I am soft. 

The world speaks to me differently fhan you. 

People react to me in different ways. 

When I touch something it does not feel the same to me as you. 

Remember I am a woman and my emotions run deep. 

So deep sometimes I don't understand them. 

They swirl and change and are powerful. They should be respected not shunned. 

Remember I am woman and I love to watch things grow. 

Children, flowers, men. 

I see the potential in all and I will feed that potential even if it kills me. 

Remember I am a woman and I break. 

And when I break it hurts differently.  

It breaks me to the core and my pieces shatter across the earth. 

  

Remember I am woman and my spirit soars. 

When the wind touches my hair my soul flies with it. 

Freedom breathes life into me. 

Remember I am woman and I am strong. I can suffer a universe of pain to give life. 

I can carry you when you cannot stand.

I can start a fire that could take over the world. 

I can heal with a kiss. 

I can cure with a word

I can forgive unspeakable wrongs.

Remember I am woman and my love is power. 

I can love into the darkest fathoms. 

I can love the unlovable. 

My love can heal the world. 

My love can change your life. 

My love can change the world. 

 

it is the sun

The natural light show that slow that slowly births light across the land reminds me that time is ever marching towards an untold future. The sun whispers in my ear, "today is going to be a good day." I go out and seek the goodness. Allow any negativity to disappear with the morning rays. I welcome the newness of today. I welcome the joy and warmth of the sun. I welcome the future. I welcome life. 

it is soul jewels

The tree is only as strong as its roots. And the roots grow according to what they are fed. If you starve the tree of good things the roots will shrivel and struggle. If you flush the tree with good water and sunshine the roots will take hold and the tree will climb to great hieghts providing shelter, food and comfort for those around him. Our souls is like a tree. If we starve our souls from goodness we do not have goodness to give. If we flood our souls wth love, caring, compassion, forgiveness, joy and peace we will in turn grow and thrive and be able to give those good things to others.  

it is free flight

Yesterday I took the chance and went and found some wild mustangs. For the record it was better than I imagined. I was able to get quite close to these magnificent animals. I work with horses every day and see them running through fields, climbing mountains and jumping fences however seeing these untouched creatures was astounding. While I was sitting eating a picnic lunch with my beau I thought about what has taken place in my life to get me to that place. The short answer is a lot has happened. The biggest step that I think I took is letting go. Of everything. If I hadn't taken that leap and cleared out my life and my brain, I would not have been up on top of that mountain searching for wild ponies. I would not have focused on healing my heart for 4 months and actually putting the pieces back together, I would not have found bits of myself I had lost along the way and I would not have learned to bloom. I am so grateful I listened to that voice inside. I am so grateful I found myself here on this adventure. And I am so glad I put myself back together so that I could open myself back up to love. And what a beautiful day that was when my heart finally felt free. When it could soar above all the pain that's been holding it back for so many years.  I am grateful for the people who let me go as well. My friends and family who listened to me and allowed me to go on this crazy whim of an adventure. Without their blessing and support it would have been a lot harder to fly. ❤️

it is good

I am sitting in front of a lake surrounded by pine trees. The butterflies dance amongst the sun rays. The mountain stream rushes past my ear as to fill my soul with her power. The birds sing in the air as the fish splash the water, both celebrating their life and freedom in this magnificent home. The faint sound of a fellow camper playing his guitar floats up from behind me. The ambient chords make no song I know, just the bringing the knowledge of a person adding his gift to what lays around me. It is no wonder God looked at his creation and said it is good. 

it is hiking solo

There is something great about hiking solo. At the beginning of the hike my mind starts out full of junk, this person, that person, this work thing, did I say that wrong, what do I think about what random subject etc. At some point I get tired, my legs, my lungs or whatever else I worked hard the day before starts to be sore and I have to start pushing myself to go forward. While I'm pushing and pursuing the end of the trail, while my body is focusing on deep breaths and steady steps my mind turns off. I don't realize this has happened until I stop for a drink, as I look around my resting spot I start to absorb my surroundings. I begin to soak in the nature, the creativity and the power of it all. It gives me the push to continue on. And at some point in my silent mind and my tired body I start to feel powerful. That power courses through my veins. It starts chanting in my head good and beautiful things about you. I start to feel the love the universe has for me. I start to believe the good things it says about me. I become the powerful and strong and beautiful woman I was intended to be. My weight doesn't matter, my hair doesn't matter, my social awkwardness doesn't matter. I feel wild, fierce and BEAUTIFUL. By the time I reach my destination I am recharged and refueled. When I head for home my feet are lighter. My smile is brighter and my heart is full of happiness. 

it is love itself

A few days ago while I was meditating by the river I was struck with an amazing thought. It was a continuation of the gratitude that filled my heart the day before and it manifested in an epiphical sort of way. 

To start, I meditate in a unique way, I believe meditation and prayer are the most personal things you can do and so I believe it should express your individuality and personality. Since I started this slow journey of meditation and contemplation several years ago I have found the focus on one thing to bring me the most peace/joy/enlightenment or whatever other intention I am seeking, I focus on creation. I delve into nature in all her beauty and wonderment, I focus on her strength and power, and most importantly I focus on my smallness. I also focus on her energy, I believe that if you were to sum up the perfect energy that oozes from nature it would be love. I believe that God designed this nature to reflect his love for this world and to share his love with us. 

So while I was sitting and listening to the roar of the rapid, the call of the birds and as the sun kissed my face I focused on those things. And while I was contemplating the wonderment of it all it struck me, not only was this world made up of love it was in fact love itself. 

In my mind love is the biggest word is little humans can use. Love engulfs lots of other words. Love is like the big umbrella giving us all the goodness in the world. Without love we have no peace, forgiveness, joy, kindness. I'm not talking about romantic love, I'm not staying if your single you have none of these things. I'm talking about what love actually is. Imagine a world without any love. Think about what we would be missing. How dark the world would actually be if we never knew what love is? 

As I'm sitting there realizing that this world is love itself, not just a reflection, not just made up of love but the river IS love, the trees ARE  love, the bird's song IS  love how great a realization that I am not surrounded by an image of love but love itself. 

That next day I drove to CO to witness my little sister's wedding. I was surrounded by family and friends and new family and friends. Joy and happiness were everywhere. Two eccentric and beautiful people had found their other puzzle piece and joined many people from many parts of the world to celebrate their pleasure. I wish more of the world could have seen the smiling faces and heard the laughter and felt the joyous love that came from each guest. It truly was a remarkable experience and I couldn't be happier for my sister and her husband. 

After the wedding, before we all started to head our different ways my side of the family and several friends from both sides gathered at our rent house and continued the celebration. The most amazing thing was that this joy from all day carried into the night igniting new friendships and rekindling old. All the while as I sat on the deck and enjoyed the company of so many around me I just kept thinking, thank you for surrounding me with love, thank you for filling up my cup with true and unmuddled love. For you see if nature is infact love so must we be also. We are not just a vessel for love but we ourselves are love itself. 

it is gratitude

I am grateful for:

💛 my sisters. For teaching me to love people who are different than myself. 

💙 my parents. For teaching me that hard work and grace bloom into love.

💚 everyone that has sung me a song or drawn me a picture. For teaching me the love of art even in its simplest of forms. 

💜 my best friends. For teaching me by example how to stand by someone through all their mistakes. 

💛 anyone that has ever hurt me. For teaching me how to heal. 

💚 every stranger that has ever shown me kindness. For teaching me there is good everywhere.

it is a refueling

I am finding the importance of enjoying ones own company. I'm also finding it to be quite freeing. There is no pressure from the outside world to make me happy. I am finally, slowly, tapping back into my own internal happiness. For so long I allowed pressure and stress to get the better of me. Now I am finding myself refueled. I am filling my heart back up with love for the world. My meditation today was magnificent. It was a little shorter than I expected but I found myself lifted to space, floating above this beautiful blue planet. Looking down on her magic and majesty I was filled with the love of the Creator in a way I have not felt in a very long time. When I opened my eyes and saw His creative handiwork in front of me I was hit with a rush of joy that overcame my fears and doubts and suddenly everything was alright. 

Thank you for putting me in this place. Thank you for giving me enough wisdom to listen. Please God grant me wisdom and grant me peace.