To quote Irving Berlin "The theatre, the theatre, what has happened to the theatre?" Tonight I am visiting my sister and brother in Atlanta, GA and to begin my whirl-wind trip we went to see some Shakespeare. As I was sitting there enjoying the whit of The Merchant of Venice I was struck by several things. Firstly I'm grateful my parents raised me reading Geoffrey of Mounmoth, Homer, the King James Bible and the like so that Elizabethan tongue is not so hard for me to adapt to. Secondly I remembered why I did not pursue theater. And thirdly we really haven't changed much over the centuries. The play was riddled with issues that we still see today, racism, fidelity, loneliness, business investments, high interest rate loans, religion, horrible bosses, rebellion, love, alcoholism, catty women and the like. Shakespeare being the genius that he was tapped into the classic problems that have plagued man since the beginning of time. I witnessed last night; a conversation held by Hitler stating that Christian blood is holier than Jewish blood, a court case sentencing a man for attempted murder, the unwanted attentions of suitors that the woman feigned to protest but secretly loved the adoration, the wasted attempt to tell people that love is a right that is earned not a reward that is given, and a scene from the "Real Housewives" series as the women attempted to trick their men into infidelity.
Yes, yes Shakespeare was quite the genius. And it's good to know the world doesn't really ever change, just the language does.
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Monday, January 9, 2012
Sunday, January 1, 2012
it is a new year
(quick note - I do have a Christmas blog that will be posted at a later date)
Well Happy New Year everyone!!! I spent the evening carting my very drunk boss around KC. Needless to say it was an interesting evening but all has turned out well and she is now safely tucked in her own bed. This morning I stopped at one of the millions of local Panera's to grab a quick lunch before I head off to work at the gym. I am in the "upper" class region of the suburbs and am surrounded by a bunch of stuffed shirts. There is a table of 4 socialite want-to-be retired people. They seem to be getting their kicks out of talking about when it is proper to use salted butter versus non-salted butter. Talking about all the things that "common" people do that they are incapable of doing because it is either unsanitary or improper. One such "commoner" activity is public transport. This woman couldn't go 1 block before her husband, dashing to her rescue, figures out a way to remove the window pane to allow fresh air to aid his poor wife. He seemed quite proud of himself for destroying public property. They also are getting quite a rise out of talking about people who are dumber than they. My favorite comment however has to be "Oh she is dumb, but I quite enjoy her company" Which was followed by a chorus of "me too".
Oh well it might be a new year but it's good to know that the world hasn't changed. It is still full of arrogant imbeciles who think they know all the answers to life's questions.
Happy New Year! May it be better than the last and may you stick to all your resolutions! Mine this year is to stop procrastinating. As a friend of mine pointed out..."So you waited until new years to begin?" yes yes I know I am an arrogant imbecile as well, at least I'm not alone in the world. :-)
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Well Happy New Year everyone!!! I spent the evening carting my very drunk boss around KC. Needless to say it was an interesting evening but all has turned out well and she is now safely tucked in her own bed. This morning I stopped at one of the millions of local Panera's to grab a quick lunch before I head off to work at the gym. I am in the "upper" class region of the suburbs and am surrounded by a bunch of stuffed shirts. There is a table of 4 socialite want-to-be retired people. They seem to be getting their kicks out of talking about when it is proper to use salted butter versus non-salted butter. Talking about all the things that "common" people do that they are incapable of doing because it is either unsanitary or improper. One such "commoner" activity is public transport. This woman couldn't go 1 block before her husband, dashing to her rescue, figures out a way to remove the window pane to allow fresh air to aid his poor wife. He seemed quite proud of himself for destroying public property. They also are getting quite a rise out of talking about people who are dumber than they. My favorite comment however has to be "Oh she is dumb, but I quite enjoy her company" Which was followed by a chorus of "me too".
Oh well it might be a new year but it's good to know that the world hasn't changed. It is still full of arrogant imbeciles who think they know all the answers to life's questions.
Happy New Year! May it be better than the last and may you stick to all your resolutions! Mine this year is to stop procrastinating. As a friend of mine pointed out..."So you waited until new years to begin?" yes yes I know I am an arrogant imbecile as well, at least I'm not alone in the world. :-)
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
it is three shots of whisky
Tonight I am watching an incredibly enjoyable film "Midnight in Paris" and I had a few shots of whisky. I then saw my new shoes. Which prompted me to put on a party dress. And I had a little midnight walk in Paris myself.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
it is a puppy!
Meet Daisy! She is the newest friend in the house. She was neglected or abused but she's coming around. Today is the first day she played with the toy on her own. And she even hung out with all the people at the party the other day. She loves the dog park and loves her new friends Nakima and Rajah. And she is quite the cuddle bug. :-)
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
it is a magical shop
There is a saying that all good things must come to an end. And this story is no exception.
Once upon a time in a land very much like this in a time not too long ago there was a little shop. And this shop was magical. In this shop was a girl. A girl who was afraid of the world because she knew very little of it. This girl ran the shop. She did not know that the shop contained magic. She had no idea how powerful a thing was bestowed on her. So she went to the shop every day and served the customers. She made them smile. She met many kind people in the shop. Many people who had good hearts and shared lots of love, but she was still afraid of the world. One day a boy walked in. When the little shop girl saw the boy her heart stopped and she almost fell over. She had never met someone who had done that to her before, she didn’t know what to do, she was afraid. The boy started coming into the shop quite regularly. He would try to talk to the little shop girl but she was so shy she could barely speak. So he stopped coming. The girl hated herself for not taking a chance but she was still too afraid of the world to change anything about it. Over the years the girl became braver and braver. New friends taught her about life and about the world. As she became brave in the little shop she was able to become brave outside the shop and venture out into the world. Then one day she did the bravest thing imaginable, she invited the boy to come back to the shop. And he came. The girl fell in love with the boy. A whole new world opened up to her. She danced, she sang, she was happy and free and brave. Her bravery and happiness brought more people into the shop. And more and more people found bravery, and love, and happiness in the little shop. So many people loved the magical shop that the shop oozed out love onto all those who entered. People found answers, comfort, joy, friendship. So much good came from a very little shop it seemed impossible. But then one day the boy broke the girl’s heart. And all that was good about the magical little shop seemed dark and lonely. The girl tried, she tried so hard to be brave. She tried so hard to be happy but silence brought tears, music brought tears, night brought tears and so did the mornings. The girl’s friends rallied around her to help her with the little shop. The shop had worked magic on them as well and they didn’t want to lose it. Nor did they want to lose her. Sadly in the end the darkness overwhelmed her and she had to leave the shop, and the magic left with her. But the girl who was once afraid of the world was afraid no more. She may have had her heart broken but she had found love, she may have had to leave the shop but she had the courage to do so, and she may have to face many more scary and dark things ahead but the magic had worked and she knew she could get through. You see, good things do come to an end. And it is sad when they do. However it does not mean more good things won’t follow. And when those good things end, more good will follow.
///////
I was driving home last night and Mariah Carey’s All I Want For Christmas is You came on the radio, I promptly broke out in tears. For the past 5 years I spent Christmas in my little shop. And every year I put that song on our Christmas playlist. And at night when the shop was empty (or almost so) I would turn the song up as loud as I could and dance like a mad woman until I ended in giggles on the sofa. I remember one night in particular I did this with a few customers. One of whom had never danced like a madwoman before in her life but had always wanted to. You see there is something quite freeing about dancing like no one is watching. After the song was over she was glowing and giggling and thanked me over and over for making her let loose and be crazy for that moment in time. Truth is there were 1,000’s of those moments that took place in the store. 100’s of them were for me myself. There are countless memories I have of mini breakthroughs, cherished moments, laughing on the floor funny moments, friendships and so much more. While the shop was open and running yes I knew it was special. But I was so bogged down with the daily muck I often didn’t get to see it that way. After my heart was broken I saw the shop solely as a burden. I couldn’t see the magic happening around me no matter how hard I looked. I hated the fact that I was so affected by one man. But a year plus after everything happened I can look back and see just how wonderful even the heartache was. Because without the shop I wouldn’t have stretched myself the way I did, I wouldn’t have met Adam, I wouldn’t have fallen in love, I wouldn’t have had my heart broken, and I wouldn’t know I could survive that sort of impossible pain. I still would have been afraid of men, of people, of friendships, of the world. I wouldn’t have built this confidence I have in myself, I wouldn’t have pushed myself to those extremes. There is not a single bit of me that ever wants to do it again but there is also not a single bit of me that regrets any of it.
Once upon a time in a land very much like this in a time not too long ago there was a little shop. And this shop was magical. In this shop was a girl. A girl who was afraid of the world because she knew very little of it. This girl ran the shop. She did not know that the shop contained magic. She had no idea how powerful a thing was bestowed on her. So she went to the shop every day and served the customers. She made them smile. She met many kind people in the shop. Many people who had good hearts and shared lots of love, but she was still afraid of the world. One day a boy walked in. When the little shop girl saw the boy her heart stopped and she almost fell over. She had never met someone who had done that to her before, she didn’t know what to do, she was afraid. The boy started coming into the shop quite regularly. He would try to talk to the little shop girl but she was so shy she could barely speak. So he stopped coming. The girl hated herself for not taking a chance but she was still too afraid of the world to change anything about it. Over the years the girl became braver and braver. New friends taught her about life and about the world. As she became brave in the little shop she was able to become brave outside the shop and venture out into the world. Then one day she did the bravest thing imaginable, she invited the boy to come back to the shop. And he came. The girl fell in love with the boy. A whole new world opened up to her. She danced, she sang, she was happy and free and brave. Her bravery and happiness brought more people into the shop. And more and more people found bravery, and love, and happiness in the little shop. So many people loved the magical shop that the shop oozed out love onto all those who entered. People found answers, comfort, joy, friendship. So much good came from a very little shop it seemed impossible. But then one day the boy broke the girl’s heart. And all that was good about the magical little shop seemed dark and lonely. The girl tried, she tried so hard to be brave. She tried so hard to be happy but silence brought tears, music brought tears, night brought tears and so did the mornings. The girl’s friends rallied around her to help her with the little shop. The shop had worked magic on them as well and they didn’t want to lose it. Nor did they want to lose her. Sadly in the end the darkness overwhelmed her and she had to leave the shop, and the magic left with her. But the girl who was once afraid of the world was afraid no more. She may have had her heart broken but she had found love, she may have had to leave the shop but she had the courage to do so, and she may have to face many more scary and dark things ahead but the magic had worked and she knew she could get through. You see, good things do come to an end. And it is sad when they do. However it does not mean more good things won’t follow. And when those good things end, more good will follow.
///////
I was driving home last night and Mariah Carey’s All I Want For Christmas is You came on the radio, I promptly broke out in tears. For the past 5 years I spent Christmas in my little shop. And every year I put that song on our Christmas playlist. And at night when the shop was empty (or almost so) I would turn the song up as loud as I could and dance like a mad woman until I ended in giggles on the sofa. I remember one night in particular I did this with a few customers. One of whom had never danced like a madwoman before in her life but had always wanted to. You see there is something quite freeing about dancing like no one is watching. After the song was over she was glowing and giggling and thanked me over and over for making her let loose and be crazy for that moment in time. Truth is there were 1,000’s of those moments that took place in the store. 100’s of them were for me myself. There are countless memories I have of mini breakthroughs, cherished moments, laughing on the floor funny moments, friendships and so much more. While the shop was open and running yes I knew it was special. But I was so bogged down with the daily muck I often didn’t get to see it that way. After my heart was broken I saw the shop solely as a burden. I couldn’t see the magic happening around me no matter how hard I looked. I hated the fact that I was so affected by one man. But a year plus after everything happened I can look back and see just how wonderful even the heartache was. Because without the shop I wouldn’t have stretched myself the way I did, I wouldn’t have met Adam, I wouldn’t have fallen in love, I wouldn’t have had my heart broken, and I wouldn’t know I could survive that sort of impossible pain. I still would have been afraid of men, of people, of friendships, of the world. I wouldn’t have built this confidence I have in myself, I wouldn’t have pushed myself to those extremes. There is not a single bit of me that ever wants to do it again but there is also not a single bit of me that regrets any of it.
Monday, November 7, 2011
it is a dream(nightmare?)
Continuing my non-sleep pattern I had a terrible time falling asleep last night. When I finally did I slept for a whopping 2 hours. During those 2 hours I had a wretched dream. And here on this lovely medium of the internet I will share said dream and I would like to open it for interpretation.
In this dream I returned home. To our little house on Hillside Rd on top of the little mountain in North NJ. I returned with a man I was apparently dating, a tall light haired, green eyed man. I planned to show him everything; the house, the Tepee made out of fallen trees, the big white house with the dog that scared our dog, my neighbor's little house that my sisters and I spent so many afternoons, the tree house, the swamp, the pet cemetery, the top of the trail where you could see the city's skyline, everything. When we got there though everything had changed. My neighborhood of 10 houses had turned into a neighborhood of 100. Cement everywhere. The blueberry trail had turned into a park full of cement and graffiti. The tree tepee had fallen over, the tree house torn down. The old barn that my sister and I used to play at was abandoned, all the horses gone, fences fallen. So as I was walking him around my old home I was explaining to him all that used to be. The whole time I was though I kept thinking 'this is not the guy I thought I would be showing this to', 'this isn't the guy I'm supposed to be sharing this with', 'I wanted to share my whole life, past and all with someone else'. As we went on walking and hiking I could feel my heart sinking deeper and deeper. Then as we were hiking towards to old mining area he grabbed me and kissed me and promptly proposed. And I promptly said yes. I instantly woke in turmoil. The fact that my old home town changed really was nothing more than my subconscious telling me that we really can never go back, you never step in the same river twice etc, etc. It was the man that bothered me.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
it is lost love
I was listening to Katie Perry's "the one who got away" on the radio the other day. So sad actually. It reminded me of a sermon I heard. The priest said that the most common regret he was told when people were on death's door was that they didn't love enough. Colbie Callait's song "before I let you go" is another song about lost love. Adele's "someone like you" and "rolling in the deep" for that matter most of her album 21 is about lost love. I was watching "crazy stupid love" and they kept saying; if you've found the one then you have to fight for it. My question is; HOW THE HELL DO YOU KNOW WHO IS THE ONE? Which is now reminding me of the movie "Timer" yes it would be nice if technology would tell us who our soul mate is. Of course when did technology ever do anything perfectly?
Thursday, October 27, 2011
it is a broken heart
I think I might already have a blog post entitled this, but who said history doesn't repeat itself? So here I go again.
Things I've learned:
I don't eat.
I definitely can't sleep and when I do its full of nightmares.
I cry....a lot.
So I'm learning my heartbreak pattern. Whoop-dee-do.
I will say one thing I am happy that I learned, after the last heart-wrenching heartache I apparently am stupid enough to attempt to put myself through another heart-destroying heartache.
I have decided to pick up a little faster than the last time. I'm refusing to let myself wallow for as long as I did with Adam. Figure I should just let Frank go and jump right back in. Chances are if I do I might meet a great person. ... Right? Well at least people anyways. So I'm jumping into online dating and going out with any available, nice enough, cute enough, non serial killing men as I can stand hopefully knocking me out of my not sleeping, not eating stupor. In all reality I know this is possibly not the best thing for me to do. But I let Adam rule my emotions and many of my actions for months afterward. And I will not be that weak again to let Frank do the same. So I'm trying this out, I'll keep you posted.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
it is an adventure
When you branch outside of your comfort zone on an adventure to experience yourself you are bound to get a few bumps and bruises along the way. Me, being who I am these minor injuries are normally inflicted on my heart. Please be sure to note I said MINOR.
The last few weeks people have been challenging my belief in love. Part of me is starting to believe them. Maybe I am living in a fairy tale? I am just really having a hard time letting go of the idea that someone will love me. My argument to this when talking to a bartender friend of mine was if I could feel that love for someone wouldn't it make sense that someone would eventually be capable of feeling that love for me. My hope is fading though. Not just through my own personal small experiences but through watching others.
My latest bruises have been distributed by three men, Adam, my latest crush, and some random guy I had a beer with. The crush and I just are in the wrong time. Which is sad because we both feel like we could have some sort of meat and potatoes connection. So it stung a little when the realization of nothing would happen (at least for now). Adam came back into my world for a lunch. Old feelings, old hurts all there front and center. As I guzzled my beer I felt like there was a flashing neon sign above my head "I used to love this man! And here I am sitting here. Can you tell I'm scared out of my mind?" All in all the lunch went well. I only cried a little bit. It was good to see someone who knows me better than most other people in the world. Sometimes I feel like he understands me better than my family, better than my best friend he just knows me he can read between every line every bit of coyness. No matter how scary that can be it was also refreshing when you are not able to hide anything then you don't have to try hide anything. But that is where the sting comes in, someone that knows me so well, someone that I loved so deeply didn't love me. It honestly makes me feel unlovable.
The third guy told me that love was not our ultimate answer to life and somehow that set me off on an emotional breakdown. Of course love is the answer right? Shouldn't we always choose love?
Anyways I feel like it's time to change something. What I'm not quite sure but time it definitely is.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
The last few weeks people have been challenging my belief in love. Part of me is starting to believe them. Maybe I am living in a fairy tale? I am just really having a hard time letting go of the idea that someone will love me. My argument to this when talking to a bartender friend of mine was if I could feel that love for someone wouldn't it make sense that someone would eventually be capable of feeling that love for me. My hope is fading though. Not just through my own personal small experiences but through watching others.
My latest bruises have been distributed by three men, Adam, my latest crush, and some random guy I had a beer with. The crush and I just are in the wrong time. Which is sad because we both feel like we could have some sort of meat and potatoes connection. So it stung a little when the realization of nothing would happen (at least for now). Adam came back into my world for a lunch. Old feelings, old hurts all there front and center. As I guzzled my beer I felt like there was a flashing neon sign above my head "I used to love this man! And here I am sitting here. Can you tell I'm scared out of my mind?" All in all the lunch went well. I only cried a little bit. It was good to see someone who knows me better than most other people in the world. Sometimes I feel like he understands me better than my family, better than my best friend he just knows me he can read between every line every bit of coyness. No matter how scary that can be it was also refreshing when you are not able to hide anything then you don't have to try hide anything. But that is where the sting comes in, someone that knows me so well, someone that I loved so deeply didn't love me. It honestly makes me feel unlovable.
The third guy told me that love was not our ultimate answer to life and somehow that set me off on an emotional breakdown. Of course love is the answer right? Shouldn't we always choose love?
Anyways I feel like it's time to change something. What I'm not quite sure but time it definitely is.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
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