it is a horse

Today I had my first baby baby show on Mr. Mark and after quite the theatrics I began thinking about my "riding career" and so I decided to compile some thoughts on things that being around horses for most of my life has taught me.

1) No victory is small. If you had the worst ride of your life but you learned one thing, you have accomplished greatness.
2) Not falling off is a good thing.
3) There are healthy nerves and bad nerves, feed the good ones, relax the bad. Good nerves make you better, sharper more acutely aware. Bad nerves make you do stupid things and generally lead to falling off.
4) Something will inevitably go wrong.
5) When you think you are working hard work harder.
6) If you do fall off you must must must get right back on, if you don't you never will again.
7) Something you love can bring you ultimate frustration and exquisite joy.
8) Communication is the key to all successes.
9) If something is damaged it is worth the time to fix it
10) Even after a horse is unable to be "used" they can bring you great joy
11) Comedy can come in all sizes
12) No one is too old to learn
13) It is always best to embark on an adventure with a friend
14) Push past your fear, its good for you.
15) Horses smell better than just about anything on earth :-)

Well that is what I can think of now. Do with it what you will.
-Bex

It is a matter of life

I just recently heard about a horse who could use some help, and maybe the horse is beyond help maybe the best thing would be to put it down so it can sleep in eternal peace but the particular problem he is suffering from is normally treatable and controllable but the current owner does not want to spend the time and money to help this poor beast, worst of all she is not putting him down right away she figures she'll wait a little while until he's in more pain and then end his life. I am just writing this to express my frustration. I cannot and should not at this point in my life take charge of this horse. I wish I could, so terribly badly, but even if there is a way that I could afford the monthly upkeep on this animal the veterinary bills would be exceptionally high at first to get him back on his feet. This matter is close to my heart because I know this horse, he was my horse's buddy at an old stable we were at, I have ridden this horse and I know he gave his best every day he was asked to and now to be tossed out not cared for and to be in pain is inhuman. It disgusts me that so many horse people view horses as disposable, that when they stop earning money or stop being of great use they discard them, often to slaughter houses. Maybe I was just raised with a heightened sense of responsibility but I was taught when you have something in your charge you take care of it to the bitter end, whether you loose interest in your new fish or you hamster grows up to be a mean biting machine you never disregard life. All life is precious seeing as it was created by God and that alone give it the right to be respected and cared for if it is not able to do so itself. It maddens me to think how people can be so flippant about life. Whether it is the life of an unborn child or the life of a hardened criminal. The other day I was reading letters to the editor in a local rag and they were discussing the States expenses regarding life in prison versus the death penalty and I was surprised and horrified to see the number of people who suggested making executions a public event someone even suggested the state sell tickets. Being Catholic we are asked by our church heads to be Pro-Life not just in the sense of abortion but that all killing is wrong before God which would then include executions. When I hear about a crime, especially one towards a child or that involves torture I find my belief in the fact that all life is sacred tested. How are we supposed to allow someone who made a mother choose between her children of which to save and which to let die, or someone who has killed 50 or more random people along route 66 and buried them in shallow graves wherever convenient. And how are we supposed to allow live a father who raped his daughter from the time she was a baby. How are we supposed to forgive them? Allow them to live and give them a chance at redemption? And how are we supposed to show them love?

Dillon

Another baby, but this time its a boy!! Duet Farm's Dillon born on 4/3/09. Check out daddy @ www.clearheartconnemaras.com

EverClear

Evie was born on Friday April 4th a beautiful healthy long-legged baby girl! Check out dad @ www.clearheartconnemaras.com

it is communication

Last night I watch Lars and the Real Girl. For those of you who have not watched this film I highly recommend it and encourage you to run and pick it up to watch with dinner tonight. Much of this movie dealt with communication or lack there of in our daily lives and how we can be affected by it. It made me think of how often we have communication errors with loved one and we don't realize that the error has been made and it could be years later when we realize how that small misstep altered our future. Something like 90% or more off all communication is body language, inflection, tone and expression. Here lately though there is less and less verbal communication with e-mail and texting and fax and typed letter. So it begs the question are we communicating properly if the reader is only able to grasp 10% of what we are trying to say? The Oxford English Dictionary says that there are approximately 250,000 words in the English language and about 20% of those words are not in use. That mean while we are using so much of the written word in current communication we are not using approximately 50,000 available words to get our point across. On late night TV last night they were making a spoof about Merriam-Webster Dictionary changing proper use of words, ie; the word literally is now to be expressly used in any context except when something is literal. Example my head literally exploded with information. Funny but true unfortunately. There are so many words that we use that mean entirely different things than the context that we are using them. Take awful for example. Awful technically means full of awe, awe is something inspiring, large, magnificent yet we use it as something that is horrid, wretched, disgusting (ie; That egg smells awful). The word extraordinary if taken apart means exceptionally plain yet we use it as something exceptionally out of the ordinary. I guess what I am attempting to convey is this, watch what you say, type, express or write. Understanding communication amongst ourselves is every important and we should not take it forgranted, we should not be lazy in our speech and we should use as much of the human language as we possibly can and as properly as possible.

it is the way we forget

I drove past a stone pillar today surrounded by highway. It was old, probably at one point marking a farm entrance, it stood solitary and strong watching the world move and change around it. The farm was gone, the land eaten by concrete. The farm house was no where to been seen, probably fallen or torn down after neglect. The cattle, the horses, the sheep, buggies and people all gone yet this stone monument standing the test of time, almost forgotten by the rest of the world. It caused me to think about all that has gone on before me. How much of the world has lived, how much has been forgotten, lost for the rest of civilization. I am a person who loves history, I love knowing what has happened in the past, it fascinates me to watch people run the same cycles over and over again. It amazes me how easy it is for so many people to disregard the past and think that it will not effect their future. I find it shockingly horrid that so many of my peers don't know the history of the subject of their major at school, their parents history, let alone their forefathers history and especially not their country. The mortifying lack of responsibility by the elders in this country to teach the young generation about their lives, their fathers' lives and their ancestors lives is wretched. In my family for example I know that my mother's parents came on a boat from Italy but I know nothing of their lives in Italy or their families in Italy. This is not my mother's fault, nor is it her mother's fault but however my mother's mother's fault for refusing to tell stories of the old country to her children. I am grateful to my both of my parents for having an interest themselves in our history and for telling me stories of their childhood. I hope that everyone will not try to forget their past, that they will hold onto it, even the hard parts. That way at least they can learn from their own lives and maybe their children will learn from it as well.

it is polite propriety

You could classify me as a "good girl" a "nice girl" or any other sweet adjective. Working in customer service I am nice, sweet or good to many people in a day. In my past friendships I have been on the giver, or better put the used one in the relationships. As I was watching Brothers and Sisters Sunday night the end one of the Characters puts aside what she wants to be doing in order to be polite to another and I couldn't help but seeing my present and past in this act. How many times a day to I talk to someone a little longer than I wanted to let someone use my cell phone when I don't necessarily want them too. Much of this is my job, and I understand that and its fine. But I do still struggle with getting a person to stop talking and when I finally do get them to stop I feel like a total heel. Once I was actually just short with a salesperson who came in to sell me credit card processing. Once he left my mother reprimanded me for being rude, it made me feel worse than I had already. The point I am trying to make is that well I just don't know how to be in control, in charge, direct, assertive without feeling or apparently coming across a total B*. And unfortunately many times the the act of the smiling face always caring even though someone has had the same problems for the 3 years of them coming in here and dumping on me, breaks down while I'm among my family and friends and I take the pent up angst on them in shortness, arguments etc. I feel horrid when this eruption occurs because it's not their fault I've been burying my emotions all day. I hope someday I'll be able to put into practice that in my future the most important person is me and I have to do what is best for me, no matter how selfish I feel, sometimes I have to look out for number one. And hopefully when I have mastered this my family and friends will suffer less, the last people I want to hurt.

it is friendship

Today I had to work a healthy 7 and a half hours on my day off. Oh joy. As I was running around in my shortened free time attempting to get all the necessities of the day done a lot of emotions ran through my head. I am not a person who accepts change very well, which is why I think I am so concerned about the future, I like to have things planned out and as few unknowns as possible. But that is beside the point. The point is that today I had to deal with the fact that all my plans had been canceled and I had to do something I didn’t have any desire to be doing at the moment. In my last few seconds of freedom I got a text from one of my nearest and dearest friends and all it said was “miss you :- )”. And that brought a smile to my face. As we planned a get together when she will be in town next and talked about my little sisters grad school auditions and how her semester was going, all of the sudden I felt like I had a huge pillow of comfort cushioning my loneliness that I felt earlier in the day. I since I know all my friends check on here to see what is going through my brain I wanted to give them a shout out and tell them how much I love them and how truly lucky I am to have each one of them in my life.

it is my answer to my question

A couple of weeks ago I was making a coffee run on a beautiful spring day (in January) to a small retreat center behind this pond (that they call a lake). This retreat center is owned by a local church organization that has kindof taken over our town. They are not bad people and without them economically our town would have died a long time ago. Though I do often find myself disagreeing with their doctrine and theology. Thousands of people flock to this organization from all around the world. Which is cool because I get to meet people from all around the world. I have always wondered though what this "church" has that others don't. Its not really their theology, most non-denominational evangelical churches have many the same views. Its not their "colleges" unaccredited and taught by non PhD wielding smart-pantses. Its not their "prayer rooms" because really anyone can pray anywhere in the universe at any point in time. So what is it? Throughout recent history the Judea-Christian religion has always had some sort or "movement" running through it. And they always come in like the tide and go out the same way. But again my question has been why? Why the Jesus movement in the 60's and 70's, revival tents in the 30's and 40's (and then some)? As I was driving to the little house on the pond it hit me. A sense of belonging. That is why these people flock to this establishment. They are welcome as long as they fit into their click. There were neighbors talking having heated religious debate, joggers praying, a lady walking and reading her Bible. And that was it, these people were longing for a sense of belonging, that someone else is like them and that they know where that person is coming from, that they share their pain. We all as humans are constantly trying to fit in with people, since we were very little. As soon as are parents shoved us out into the great big world of play dates, day care, preschool etc we have tried to find friends, fit in with the crowd. In high school it is painfully evident, the clicks, the popular kids vs the outcasts, drama vs music. Hopefully as we get older we establish our own list of beliefs values morals etc. But there is still that need to not be alone. Say I believe that all paper should be pale yellow while the rest of the world seems to think white is the answer to all professional uses of paper. OK so I am at a paper convention and everyone is talking about how great paper is and how beautiful and crisp white a new package of xerox is, I'm not going to step out and say hey, wouldn't it be great if all paper was a tad yellow. No, bad example. I guess what I am trying to say is I get it, I finally get it. I understand why these people follow blindly after their leader, why they flock to one location to sit and wait for further guidance. Its because they feel like in this little corner of the world they belong, they have a purpose in something bigger than themselves, they feel like they have a community around them that will support them throughout the rest of their lives here on earth. And really who can blame them because don't we all do that in our own lives, even if in very small ways?